And I said that because I suspected you were in that place. That is real. It is also reality that not everyone finds recovery.
rivergirl wrote: I don't believe it's possible for me any more.
The irony is this is where I lived for a decade. Even more ironically it coincided with the time I was in therapy in earnest.
It was only after I'd ceased any kind of treatment and resigned myself to my fate, my little 'skewered' existence, that a random event shifted everything.
I'm back in treatment now but it's to cope with the weirdness of a life I'm not used to, like a blind person who gets their vision.
I would never pressure anyone to "flee into health". That doesn't work in my experience. And just, the treatment is worse than the illness oftentimes. There's no crossing a finish line here; just management.
My experience has been giving up all hope and then having it show up quietly some time quite later on, unprompted.
I didn't realise straight away what had happened. And my life is still little. There's just an even littler, night-light in it now.
I'm also sorry for posting so much. But your telling resonated so much with me I felt compelled. I hope I'm not rubbing it in or making it about me; that's not my intent, at all.
I'll keep checking in.