Safety plan

[manuel_moe_g]

Take care, RiverGirl, you are in a delicate, precarious place. We are here for you. I wish I had perfect advice. I would practice self-compassion, and also take this depression seriously, because depression is a creator of mixed-up-thoughts that can be very harmful.

[rivergirl]

Thank you, Oak & Manny. I'll talk to my therapist & psychiatrist this week. I want to avoid the outpatient program because I don't think I can continue my job along with the program (several hours a day). I think if I can get through the next couple of months at work I may be doing better. But if my depression gets too much worse I know I'll have to take further steps.

[brownblob]

Take care of yourself River

[rivergirl]

Thank you, brownblob. You too.

[rivergirl]

During this past week I felt somewhat energized at work because I was taking actions to prepare for upcoming work difficulties. I was mostly convinced that I'll handle it somehow. This morning I was immediately hit by exhaustion and anxiety, and the conviction that I'm about to fail at work and I'll have to quit or be fired.

I'm thinking I'll borrow a page from Oak's book and bookend here how I plan to get through the rest of this weekend. So far I've managed a few small phone calls and errands today. This evening I plan to make a work to do list for next week, do 5 minutes of an exercise video (maybe more but I'm saying 5 minutes to get myself to start), journal one page, listen to a song, and have a pre-arranged phone call with a distant friend. Tomorrow my goals are to attend online eating recovery group call at 7:00, grocery shop, organize work files, and do another 5 minutes of exercise.

I don't feel hopeful but am trying to act "as if" there's hope.

[oak]

RiverGirl, I’m glad my DA bookending gives you a structure to build your weekend around.

IME, if I get half of my goals done, then that is good. Ergo, if you get four of the ten goals you listed completed, then I’d consider that a great success for your weekend. Also, I always aim for the very minimum to complete: in your case that would be exactly five minutes of exercise. No need to move the goal posts: get some quick victories.

Let us know how you do!

(Spoiler: you are already a success for having the courage, yes wonderful audacity to make some wholesome goals; you’ve succeeded before you began.)

[Beany Boo]

I like the ‘as if’ tactic. I do something similar. Where hope is not naturally percolating, whipping just enough up out of nothing is not going to harm your chances. Some parts of your brain won’t know the difference.

[rivergirl]

Thank you Oak & Beany. I only accomplished two goals so far but will try to use your definition of success, Oak, and not count this as failure.

[oak]

Having competed two of the goals, you are more than halfway there.

If your goals are a workweek, you at Thursday at 3:14 pm. You are playing with house money now.

[rivergirl]

Reporting on my bookend: I completed my goals except for the grocery shopping. I chose to go for a little drive up the coast this afternoon instead.

I don't feel good tonight, but I feel calmer. Dreading this week but ready to try to face it.