another flare up.

[rainbowcrazy]

So here I am at 26 still suffering and plodding along. Depression has always been me for as long as I can remeber. Sexual abuse at 9 years old. Maybe it all stems from there. But that's one thing that made me who I am today. A hermit, I am 2 people. I pretend I hide my feelings. Even self harmed for many years with no one knowing. Learnt to keep secrets and not to burden people. But some days are just tough and painful. I look in the mirror and just feel sad I see the pain etched across my face. I dont understand me sometimes. Its draining and lonely. I tried medication in my early teens and early 20s but it didn't do.anything. Maybe I thought it would just fix me.

[rainbowcrazy]

So not long till my phase goes, and in flys another. Maybe its too easy and im to used to prerending it's all okay. I cant think straight through my bad phases. My only safe place to empty is in my head.