I just can't cope

[Sir-knob-head]

Every single female I let close. Because they let me think it's safe. Walks away and abandons me. My mum abandoned me at 11 years old after exposing me to a lot of struggles during the break down of my parents marriage. Every woman since has made me feel when I did back then. Worthless it won't change. How can it I'm tired if hurting. I'm tired of not being good enough. I'm tired of struggling. I'm just tired

[Imissmysun]

This is such a huge game changer - and parents who leavet ehir kids thinking that they will be better off or thinking that they are making the best choice - so tragic - I am raising my fiances kids their mothers (6 kids from 2 different moms) have all been left in their father's care with their moms just gone - and it breaks my heart for them - I am a stubborn person and I will take a LOT of abuse before I leave - maybe too much - but I am loyal to a fault - I will not leave those kids I may not be perfect but they need stability - I may not of had it but damn it they will have it -

I lost my father when I was 8 he died of cancer - it sucked - it still does - but I think that death is easier than abandonment to deal with - because while I am still in mourning - I don't have a physical body around the world taunting me that I wasn't something worth staying around for -you have it worse and it needs more attention because if I haven't processed my fathers death completely (and I haven't I know this daily), then you also need to let your little kid know dude - little man not your fault! -

You were hurt and cut by this pain and it still needs to be processed - I can't even imagine having to cycle through continuously a parents choice to leave - that hole that is left - and you know what sucks worse is that for most of them it is pure selfishness - the child that they leave isn't even a thought good bad or indifferent - but you are left with wondering what you did wrong - the answer of course is NOTHING - your mom was at fault here - totally 100% - her choice her stuff her baggage her issues - you were a pure child

the other women are just going about their life making their choices as best they can - love is fluid and moves through us like energy - it ebbs and flows - none of them meant to attach and then hurt you in leaving - but I see that break ups for you are 20 times more trying - I personally am the same way - I put all my eggs into one basket - (I am codependent as hell so thats something else I am working on) - I give 100% of my attention to that person what are their needs how can I meet them - its not healthy its not the best way to live - I am just now at 38 learning a little bit about self care - beyond daily showers - just being a little kinder to myself and realizing that it does not hurt me to be nicer to myself - it is slowly changing my mood - every day I notice small changes - a little more energy - one more smile - one less panic breath - a little less time in the afternoon slump -


Ok so I just totally blew up this page with my stuff and I am sorry - my mini ego wants it to be about me but its not _ I just really more want you to know that you are not by yourself here - that many people out there make cruddy decisions and I am so sorry that your mom was one of them - she really should have stayed with you and realized that babies - little souls are a commitment - you should not have been bailed on - you are a worthy person - worthy of love and compassion -

[Sir-knob-head]

I can relate a little at least you everything you said. Please don't be sorry for sharing your story in trying to explain what you've found helps you

I have had many issues with wanting to cry. But cant. I'm.tearimh up. Thank you

I'm at an all time low. I can't help but want you die. I can't be here anymore. It's not worth the pain anymore. Every female that's hurt me has taken a little piece of me away there's nothing left but a scared over heart that isn't functioning anymore.

I want to cut. But with each trickle of blood that flows let's me know I'm still alive and that truly hurts! Every breath of my life is painful. I can't cope. I can't carry on. There is no more fight left. I've sat on the cliff for 3 hrs now. Just wondering why I shouldn't jump. The only reason. If I do this. I want to be clear about it. I've had 1 beer! I want this. But I don't want to do it and regret it. I'll be dead. Surely I can't regret it. But I believe in ghosts. I'm sure I'll be able to see myself and those I love after I'm gone. Another reason I'm not at the bottom right now. I'm such a coward!

[Imissmysun]

NO YOU ARE NOT!

You are in pain and that is something that can't be shown outside - you know that deep down you have something the world needs - thats why you are not at the bottom -

A coward is fearful and would never ever even reach out you are - you are telling us your feelings - I am sending you a huge hug over the ocean -

Cry if you have to - know that you feel - the pain can feel like glass through your veins and its so much more than you ever thought physical bodies can endure -

You need to fill yourself back up - you need to recreate yourself - yes those women took pieces of you - and that is their cross to bear - I have had many pieces of myself taken away by selfish manipulative men - but I am taking myself back - I am reinventing myself - I faced that cliff a couple of times myself and I thought I was a coward for not downing the bottle - (if I had I would have just been the joke the EMTs talked about as they pumped my stomach stupid girl thought that those pills would actually kill her - dumb way to get attention) - I didnt want attention I wanted the deep cutting awful pain to stop - it did finally - when I changed my situation and changed my state of mind

*HUG*

[Beany Boo]

Apologies, I respectfully withdraw my post.

[Sir-knob-head]

No I feel dead.

My mother's actions started the trail of destruction I font want my mother back. She's toxic I did nothing wrong. She fucked me up. By being the piece if shit she is

I dont feel I have a valid reason to be here for so many reasons I feel worthless. Stupid. Unlovable unhuman I'm tired of feeling I'm here and shouldn't be. I'm tired of fighting to feel worth I am tired of feeling anything. I can't cope with life and everything it brings. I can't cope seeing each day in my world. I can't cope with fighting the urge to jump off a cliff because tomorrow might be better. But never is I'm tired of trying to get help and not getting it

My latest relationship was amazing and stupid at the same time. She was so loving. Affectionate and adoring. I could tell her anything. This was my mistake. I thought she could fix me no one can fix me. All I have managed with her is leaving her with guilt and regret when I do end my life

Not fighting no more. I don't have the energy

[Sir-knob-head]

I'm in pain. And no pill works

[Sir-knob-head]

Beany. Don't want you to remove your post. I just don't share your experience

[Sir-knob-head]

So stuck in the back of an ambulance waiting to see if I'll be sectioned. Forced to go a+e or able to go. All because I asked for some anti depressants so not only has everyone been made aware of my struggles ( mainly because they found a letter I was writing to my ex) but my parents have been made aware. And I cannot cope with the extra hassle. I can't get my head around this

[brownblob]

I know it's a lot to deal with, but you are hurting and you need some help. Maybe not the sectioning, but if you talk about being suicidal that is the way things end up going. It can be a fine line to walk of trying to get help with not getting locked up. All I can tell you is to make getting yourself some help your top priority and to realize the people trying to section you may be misguided, but they are working under the impression you are a danger to yourself. It can be a frustrating, unpleasant situation to be in. So what if everybody knows now. You are in pain. You are suffering. Let them fucking know. Try to get yourself some help knobhead.