I don't know what the fluff to call it

[Imissmysun]

Its depression or anxiety or stress or - god I don't know but I am recoiling into my shell again - and that means long periods of not communicating or talking I am forcing myself to write this and I feel all kinds of squeamish - like noooo... don't show yourself you will be seen... I am terrified of being seen. But I feel like its not a good thing and I will leave a trail of fire behind me if I keep it up...

For someone who feels so much empathy for others and understands and wants to help others I have zero capacity for my own brain - I am like shut up you 5 pound useless flash ball stop thinking and negatively impacting me with your flighty dumbness - with your insistance on just wandering off and when you come back just being super cruel with the inner judge -

I hate that I space out like all the time - that I feel nothing except that I want to run away and never smile nor do I really feel like I enjoy anything - at least not alone - or in crowds - but I can deal with just one person talking to me at a time one on one - thats great - it just like never happens

[oak]

Hey! I am glad you took the chance and expressed yourself.

Inasmuch as one can "see" another person via text on the internet, I see you and approve of you. You are Enough.

[brownblob]

hi imissmysun
I've spent a lot of my life curled up in my shell. I don't enjoy anything and don't want to have to deal with anyone. I know the frustration of wanting to scream out that "I'm not okay" but at the same time being terrified if anyone might actually see me. I wish I had some great wisdom for you, but I don't. We are just lost people trying to find our way. I hope at some point you can find some healing and a way forward.

[Beany Boo]

You are entitled to feel as horrible as you want. Trust your instincts.

[rivergirl]

Just wanted to say that I've missed seeing you on the forum and was worried about you, imissmysun. Totally understand about the shell (I always keep mine close at hand) but I think you're safe here if you want to/need to start venturing out again.

[Imissmysun]

Aww thanks I wasn't listening to the pod cast either - it felt so heavy just soaking up all the others out there that hurt - my empathy just runs out and tries to suck up all of the pain and brings it back like a cat bringing death presents - I will go into shut down and just not do anything - but I am getting a little more light in myself bit by bit -

It feels really good to be missed -

[Jitterz]

I have a migraine so I'll keep this short but you can talk to me any time Ifeel the same way!