Considering hospitalization

[ncj]

Hi - I am new here. Certainly not new to depression, though, and I am considering hospitalization/intensive treatment at a local facility. I've never done this and am a bit scared by some of the stories I've read, etc. Are there people here who've had positive experiences by going inpatient or doing an intensive outpatient program? For the record, I've tried years of medication, talk therapy, alternative therapies . . . medication has proved the most helpful, but it works until it doesn't, and the whole horrible cycle begins again. Just really desperate and low right now. Thank you in advance for any thoughts on hospitalization. I'm a mom to two kids (13 and 10), and I'm also very concerned about balancing taking care of myself and taking care of them.

[hate_my_amygdala]

Hi, ncj.

My name is Nelson and I am new here, too. My one experience with hospitalization was many, many years ago when I was eighteen years old. It was scary because of course the unknown is always scary. I can basically say to you that if you choose hospitalization, you will get very intensive treatment. But the type of treatment is likely to be the same type of approaches that you have already experienced. Drug therapy, one-on-one talk therapy, maybe group therapy. So if you feel like you would benefit by a more intensive regimen of those therapies, then I think you should do it.

A question for you: Do you feel like you might harm yourself?

And now I would like to share a tiny funny item with you. I am typing on an iPad and when I typed your username ncj, it autocorrected to McJob. I thought that was funny and I hope that you can experience a smile at that during your very difficult time.

Much love,

Nelson

[ncj]

Thank you so much, Nelson. I need to see if McJob is available for a vanity license plate . . . I do think of harming myself - not wanting to die, just not wanting to feel the continued pain. Everything is such an effort. Thank you for taking the time to reply, and welcome to the forum.

Much love to you as well,

NJ

[hate_my_amygdala]

I know what you mean about the pain. It hurts so much, so often. And I sometimes I can't even imagine, cannot foresee a time when things will be happy and i will feel joy. Sometimes it seems like that would be an imaginary world, one where life is just good.

The most effective thing for me has been medication as well. Some other things that have helped me are:

The mindfulness techniques taught in dialectical behavior therapy

Treating myself to something special, such a dessert or a new book. Doesn't have to be too expensive, it just has to be something unnecessary that says, "you matter. This is for you."

Forcing myself to practice self-care even when I don't feel like it. For example I will take a hot bath, shave, brush my teeth, and put on my favorite clothes. Then I will make myself a meal. And all of that just helps me feel a little bit better.

By the way, you mentioned balancing caring for yourself and meeting the needs of your kids. The absolute best way to help your kids is to care for yourself. Don't ever forget that.

Nelson

[oak]

Welcome!

Congratulations for using your words.

If you are considering hospitalization, that means that you recognize the gravity of your situation.

May I ask if you have access to:

1. A work EAP

2. 211 (or local version)

?

[ncj]

Hi, Oak -

Thank you for your reply. I do have access to those things and have been doing lots of searching. I have to admit I'm a bit wary of the EAP - I once found the most god-awful therapist that way. Still, I have to believe good help is out there, just trying to find the right thing.

~ nj

[rivergirl]

Hi ncj,
My heart goes out to you in dealing with long-term depression while caring for your children.

I had a brief hospitalization about 12 years ago. It wasn't a bad experience but my impression was that the inpatient program was more to keep people safe from self-harm rather than to provide significant treatment.

I don't want to discourage you from any program that might help, but I know that at least in my area the safety and quality of facilities varies greatly, so I'd suggest talking to a local mental health professional about the facilities you're considering if you can.

Do you have support from a partner or other family members? It sounds like you're dealing with so much on your own right now.

Please take care,

rivergirl

[ncj]

Thanks, rivergirl. Yes, lots of research/looking into options is leaving me not-so-hopeful re: doing an inpatient program. I'm in an area where resources are scarce, and it doesn't seem like the facilities around here are necessarily places of healing. I'm trying to be an adult & keep on persevering, but part of me feels like just screaming/crying, "Can't somebody just effing help me?!?" Part of what sounds attractive about a program is the idea of community - I feel so alone right now. I don't have anyone to turn to, and it makes everything that much harder.

I appreciate your thoughts/kind words.

~nj

[rivergirl]

I'm so sorry that you're going through this, nj. I don't think its childish to feel at times like you can't persevere and you desperately want someone to help. I hope you find a group or program to get some support and begin healing.

[HowDidIGetHere]

part of me feels like just screaming/crying, "Can't somebody just effing help me?!?"

I so identify with this.