Taking steps

[rivergirl]

Today my therapist suggested that I try a new therapist, and he offered to keep seeing me temporarily while I figure out if I want to make a permanent transition. The purpose is to see if another therapist can help me better, and also because of the longstanding personal feelings that I have for my current therapist that he thinks may interfere with my progress. He also suggested I see a psychiatrist again and suggested someone.

I started taking action on both of the suggestions, and already have an appointment with the psychiatrist for next week.

I have no idea if these will be helpful or unhelpful actions. I'm not very hopeful and feel scared and sad bout leaving my current therapist. I'm trying to believe that it's a good thing to at least try a new approach.

Thank you for reading/listening.

rg

[oak]

Both of those sound like good ideas, and I’m glad you’re already taking action. Please do keep us posted.

[Beany Boo]

Big step, big risk.

It’s not all you. Your therapist is taking a big risk owning up to his own limits.

Your health is the most important focus.

Let it all out. Or, hold it together. Or both. The group might help you walk through this vulnerable place.

Let us walk with you.

[snoringdog]

Hello Rivergirl,

SD - Comments inline

Today my therapist suggested that I try a new therapist, and he offered to keep seeing me temporarily while I figure out if I want to make a permanent transition. The purpose is to see if another therapist can help me better, and also because of the longstanding personal feelings that I have for my current therapist that he thinks may interfere with my progress. He also suggested I see a psychiatrist again and suggested someone.

SD - I reread your thread "How I feel right now" (Oct 10) where you described a really negative response to a stressful interaction with him, and how you measure your life "success" against his family situation. Neither of these is ideal, right?
(BTW - May I suggest that you reread this thread, and your others? Just to remember the little fanbase you have here who are all rooting for your success. )

I started taking action on both of the suggestions, and already have an appointment with the psychiatrist for next week.

SD - That's great. A good psychiatrist should be able to handle both the psychological and medicinal aspects of your care, no? Seeing two different doctors would make scheduling more complicated, and add to the expense I would think. (And possibly add a layer of anxiety in getting to two different sessions).

I have no idea if these will be helpful or unhelpful actions. I'm not very hopeful and feel scared and sad bout leaving my current therapist. I'm trying to believe that it's a good thing to at least try a new approach.

SD - One of the questions I had before, but hadn't asked was about an overall therapy plan or timeline you might have had when you started the sessions. Seems to me that this is important, otherwise it becomes a desultory conversation over time, with no structure. (That's how I felt in the past with some of my go-rounds. Seemed repetitive and unhelpful after awhile). It seems like a good opportunity to step back, reflect and reformulate a plan. Also to review any meds, and consider adding or subtracting as might be necessary.

I've been watching some online CBT sessions, and reading a couple of books on it. (Oak has been exploring this as well).
"Standard " talk therapy helps self-awareness and understanding, as in "Why am I the way I am, and how did I get this way?"
CBT tries to address "What tools do I have to improve things", based on the idea that Thoughts, Emotions and Behaviors (often diagrammed as a triangle) influence each other, and that changing any one will modify the others.(This is what I need for myself at the moment). Maybe this CBT approach, can help, if you're not doing so already?

We've seen your struggles and resourcefulness over the last few years, and admire your resilience.
*And* your ability and willingness to extend empathy and encouragement to others, in the midst of your pain.

Thank you for reading/listening.

SD - It's an honor to be invited to read, and a privilege to answer.
You are a person of worth.

[oak]

You are a person of worth.

Word.

[rivergirl]

As always, thank you Oak, Beany, and snoringdog.

I apologize for posting responses today and then deleting them. There were some things I wrote about my therapist that were a little too specific, and even though I'm probably just being paranoid, on the off chance that someone connected to him ever reads this, I prefer not to reveal his identity or mine publicly.

I'll try to write another reply without getting into the topic about my therapist that may be more specific to him.

rg

[snoringdog]

Hello Rivergirl,

No replies or apologies needed. This stuff is so difficult to navigate.

I hope your session(s) next week go well.

SD

[rivergirl]

Thank you for understanding, sd. An update:

There are some things I could detail as reasons not to see my therapist, but I had an epiphany a couple of days ago. I asked myself how long I would have continued seeing him given all of his characteristics as a therapist, if I hadn't been romantically attracted to him. The answer is that I'm about 90% certain that I would have stopped seeing him after a few months and found a more empathetic therapist who was interested in setting goals and assessing progress. I think I'm just reenacting old patterns of having painful obsessive feelings about unavailable men, while avoiding men who might actually want to be with me (the guys sending me messages on the online dating sites that I signed up for and keep ignoring.) It's a little hard for me to believe that I've been doing this sad little unrequited love dance with my therapist for almost six years, or that for the past year I've been paying him completely out of pocket for the privilege. My dad was my first unrequited love, lol.

I think one thing that has exacerbated the situation for me is that my therapist shares more personal information about himself in sessions than other therapists I've seen, and that he also mixes his personal/work social media a bit more than is probably healthy for someone with my issues to have available to me.

I may not choose this time to end therapy with him since I seem to already be struggling with maintaining emotional stability and I'm not sure I can endure losing one more person right now. I'm not even sure I could bring myself to see another therapist after this, or that it's what I need. I may try to focus on developing other social contacts/relationships while weaning myself off of therapy.

My psychiatry session was cancelled due to an emergency, but I did reschedule it for next week.

Thank you all for being here through my saga(s). If this forum still exists in six years I hope I won't still be here writing about how I'm going to wean myself off of my therapist very soon ...

[rivergirl]

I forgot to say thank you, snoringdog, for the suggestion about CBT. I've been introduced to it briefly in therapy but I'll take a more in depth look this time.

[oak]

1. Not that I doubted you...
2. A suggestion to consider
3. Oak's ratio of counselors

RiverGirl!

1. Not that I doubted you...

I never had any reason or inclination to doubt that attraction to a counselor is a powerful thing. Then, one day, while trudging through my quest (see ratio, below), I tried a counselor, and there is no other way to say this, a complete MILF. She also couldn't even pretend to care about my counseling goals, ergo me dropping her.

That said, I learned viscerally that counseling wires and sexual desire wires may cross in our brains. Much like flight attendants (they'd be attractive women anywhere, but the idea of a sudden death heightens the attraction), there is something deeply intimate and down-deep about counseling.

You are definitely not alone, let me tell you.

2. A suggestion to consider

Like I mentioned to your kind reply to my thread, going forward I will be much more up front and explicit about my need-desire for a treatment plan that we immediately begin implementing.

This is just me, but I may prefer a counselor who is sort of cold over an overly familiar counselor (though kind, warm counseling certainly has its place).

3. Oak's ratio of counselors

From my experience, and anyone is welcome to disagree, here is my ratio of having tried counselors:

8 of 10: Useless for various reason
1 of 10: Good to very good.
1 of 10: Outstanding.

It may be closer to something like 5 of 100 or 1 of 100 for the outstanding.

Which is just a long way of saying that going forward I won't hesitate to drop a counselor who isn't actively moving me through the treatment plan.