Safety plan

[rivergirl]

This is probably going to sound weird, but I'm filling out a "safety plan" for this online therapy/medication service I'm using. I wished that I hadn't started it because it won't let you proceed if you skip any sections. I'm supposed to have several people to reach out to if I'm having suicidal ideation (not at the point of it being emergency, but prior to that).

The few times I tried to let my family know they literally told me they don't want me to mention this to them again. I'm not blaming them, but I don't want to add them to the form.

I have one friend who said to call her any time day or night if I feel that way. I put her name on the form. I probably wouldn't but it helps to know that I can.

So I wrote down this forum as another "family or friend" I would reach out to. Maybe that isn't appropriate. I don't expect anyone to necessarily be on here at any given time or to respond. I guess I'm mainly mentioning it to say that I'm kind of shocked when putting it down in writing that I've gotten to this point where I only have one person I would even consider reaching out to. But also it makes me realize how important this group has been to me and how much I trust that I'm not going to get criticized or misunderstood. So thank you guys for being here.

[rivergirl]

p.s. I didn't mention this forum by name. I sometimes wish there was a login feature to read posts, just so that it felt a bit more private. Also, just wanted to reiterate that I didn't post this as some kind of expectation that anyone here should be part of my safety plan, more just to acknowledge how much this forum has meant to me. It's been a rough week but I'm grateful that I can post here.

[manuel_moe_g]

This forum is so supportive and validating. I am glad it is here for you, RiverGirl, and all of us. Please take care.

[oak]

RiverGirl, very good!

First good idea: having a safety plan. (Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, so I may “borrow” this idea!)

Second good idea: including our forum community here. While it is true that there is not constant vigilance, the mods can confirm that I check this forum many times a day: perhaps 15? Certainly 5 to 10, so you know I’ll be checking every few hours. So help is never too far away.

Plus there are people from many time zones: I know I’m ahead of many of you, and we have friends on the other side of the world. We’ll keep you covered, time-wise.

Overall this safety plan is a really good idea. Thank you for sharing, and keep us posted.

If I may offer several suggestions (all of which I’ve used many times) to consider in the unlikely event no one on your list has gotten back to you yet, and the moments are getting difficult:

You may want to consider adding 211 , and your local/regional intergroup. 211 is always an excellent first resource, and while it is no one’s business if you are in recovery, if things get bad you know they’ll pick up at the intergroup.

And of course the work EAP. That is a tiptop resource.

Lastly, I emailed The Samaratians back in the difficult days of 2007. I don’t know if they’re good or bad, but any port in a storm.

Edit to add: your family of origin is… deficient.

[Beany Boo]

Sounds like a good plan.

Obviously, while I’m there for you, because of the format, I am unreliable in certain practical ways. Plus I am sometimes struggling too. But even then I can provide special awareness because of my level of acceptance and understanding. And being of support helps me.

I think having one person you can call day or night is a actually huge. No surprises about your family of origin. I’m actually sort of concerned for them, with their lack of empathy.

I think this is a brave (and sensible) move. I’ll be watching on with enthusiasm.

[rivergirl]

Thank you Manny, Oak, and Beany. I'm sorry I didn't respond to your kind messages earlier.

I've been experiencing the anxiety side of the depression/anxiety coin and waking several hours too early. Yesterday I had a panic attack at work that I was able to hide but that has left me still shaky and exhausted.

I continue to be grateful for your support.

[snoringdog]

Hello Rivergirl,

Waking in the middle of the night, or too early is the worst! It's been happening to me off and on lately, due to anxiety or a break in routines.
(Later, during the day, I try to remind myself that I'm feeling poorly due to lack of sleep).

I hadn't thought about it for a long time, but started to take a Valerian capsule before bedtime, which helps me sleep thru, without a hangover.

The Mayo clinic and NIH over-the-counter web sections describe it, excerpted here - (Not sure about the mid-19th century blurb, not true for me..)

Valerian has been used as a medicinal herb since at least the time of ancient Greece and Rome. Its therapeutic uses were described by Hippocrates, and in the 2nd century, Galen prescribed valerian for insomnia [5,7]. In the 16th century, it was used to treat nervousness, trembling, headaches, and heart palpitations [8]. In the mid-19th century, valerian was considered a stimulant that caused some of the same complaints it is thought to treat and was generally held in low esteem as a medicinal herb [2]. During World War II, it was used in England to relieve the stress of air raids [9].

Wishing you well.

[rivergirl]

Good to hear from you, snoringdog. I was a little worried since you haven't posted recently.

Wow, this brings back memories of a friend giving me liquid Valerian root years ago. I remember that it did help, so if my sleep issues continue I'll try it.

I hope it continues to work for you too.

[snoringdog]

Hello RG,

There are two types I think.
Brown-powder capsules and dark green gels. I like the powder version better.

But I was surprised to see the suggested dosage on a recent bottle - "5 Capsules"!

One has always been enough for me.

[rivergirl]

Under extreme stress right now at work that I anticipate will go on for at least next month or two. Also stress generated by online dating encounters (probably my own fault for trying at this point). Afraid of coming weekend anxiety/distress. My therapist is also out of town so I don't have usual Friday appointment.

Right now all I can do is try to get through a few minutes at a time.

I may check in this weekend as I anticipate it will be rough.

Feeling shame at my inability to cope and continued seeking some kind of reassurance from others, including here.

rg