Struggling

[pouponastik]

Hey everyone,

I’ve been having a really hard time these past few months. I dated a girl for a bit over a year, the longest anyone stuck around for. I truly thought we were in love and that she would always be there. She halfway broke up with me in September, saying she needed space and listing a bunch of things that were wrong that she had never mentioned before. Then when I tried to talk to her, I got really short unloving responses. I feel completely abandoned and unlovable. She eventually said that we needed to be just friends for the time being. I’ve been surviving since September on pure hope that we would get back together but now I’m at the point where I’m thinking more about how she was unwilling or unable to listen when I would talk about my feelings. And how she would never talk to me about hers. It feels like just one more in a long line of women who left when they saw the real, sad me.

I wish I could care about anything else, I wish I could believe that I could be happy by myself. I feel completely alone and that nothing I try instead makes me feel any better at all because what I really want/need is someone to love me. Therapy, exercise, work, family, self-care all feel completely pointless. I’m in a very “what’s the f-ing point” place.

-Alex

[oak]

Alex, hi. Thanks for posting.

That sounds like a difficult breakup. I’m sorry it turned out that way.

How are things going today?

[pouponastik]

Hey Oak, thank you for taking the time to read that.

I’m not doing great today. I feel lost and hopeless. Just surviving at the moment. I do appreciate you asking though.

[Mental Fairy]

Hello and welcome pouponastik

So sorry this is happening to you. Heart break is a recovery we all have to process eventually, just hoping you do this in a healthy forgiving way. Focus on you and not mending something that can’t be fixed from her side of things. Come back from this stronger. I am super happy you can be the real you around someone, not many people are capable of that for years and even decades.

Cross fingers your feeling better

[snoringdog]

Hello Pouponastik,

Feeling the way you do right now is awful.

she was unwilling or unable to listen when I would talk about my feelings. And how she would never talk to me about hers.

Connection is hard. She has her own baggage too I'm sure, and maybe wasn't ready to handle more just now.

When you say, " the real, sad me", what's going on? Have you always been so depressed?
Maybe you're sad & depressed at the moment, but I'm sure there's a lot more to you than that, no?

Take care. Be kind to yourself.

SD