I want to die

[rosedahlia31]

I can't help it, I want to die. The thoughts are getting worse and worse. I have no one to tell. I don't want to end up in the hospital again. The psych ward scares the shit out of me. The doctors, nurses, social workers, they treat you like a criminal. You have no rights. Your only help is from other patients. They're the only ones you can trust. There is no silver lining, no light at the end of the tunnel. I have no future. My life will get worse and worse I know it. No one loves me or can take care of me. I am alone.

[fifthsonata]

Dalia, please call the suicide hotline above. You aren't alone. Those people may be strangers, but thy wouldn't volunteer if they didn't care about strangers. Also, I'm on my phone so I can't go into detail, but the psych hospital isn't as bad as you think. You don't have to go to a psych ward for help; a lot of local hospitals have wards in for people in immediate need. If you want to know about the experience, I would be happy to talk to you about it.


Also, you're not alone because we're here. Send me a message if you want to talk. I'll listen, and I care.


Call that hotline. Do it now.

[fifthsonata]

I'll come back to this when I get home from work. Hang on until then, ok? I'm CST; be home around 6. I'd love to listen.

[rosedahlia31]

I can't talk to anyone about this. No words will come out. I can't even explain it to myself. It makes no sense. It's like paint splattered on a canvas, no rhyme or reason.

[fifthsonata]

Yes, you CAN talk to people about it. Don't let your fear be your excuse. Read the other post I made in your last thread. There is an outlet, and there is a way to get help. Would you rather live this forever? Trapped in your head?


Or would you rather be happy?

[fifthsonata]

The offer is still there if you want to talk, just send me a message.

If you're too scared to verbalize anything to a doctor, print off this page. Make the appointment with someone on the phone, and bring in a copy of this page. Bring in a printout of your other post.

You can, if you wish, call the suicide hotline listed at the top of this page, and link them to these threads you've made. Let them read it. I know they will help you make an appointment with a counselor - you can do it together.

Or, if you really want, I will research some possibilities for help in your area - counselors, facilities, low-fee clinics, free clinics, etc.

There is help, and yes, it does get better, as the cliche goes. I have a chronic eating disorder and depression. Suicide attempt on my record alongside a 5150. Let me tell you, of someone who's felt just as low, things can improve. However, as an adult, you have to be the one to take the first step. Docs, friends, and family can forcibly commit you if they have justification, but that takes a damn good reason and proof behind it. All you have to do is tell one person. You don't even have to verbalize it. Print off this page. Show it to someone.


Once you're ready, it will be there.

[Cheldoll]

This breaks my heart. I know how you feel -- psych wards seriously feel like a prison. And who wants to go back to prison?

Please please please call the Suicide Prevention hotline (1-800-273-8255) if you feel like hurting yourself. It's killing me to watch this thread and not see a response from you for longer and longer periods of time.

Talk to someone. You don't even need to talk about your feelings. Just reach out and connect to someone, anyone. You are not alone. Send me a message and we'll talk about whatever the hell you want. I like butterflies. Do you like butterflies? Let's talk about fucking butterflies.

If you're still too scared, try listening to some of your favorite episodes of this podcast. It's a great reminder that you are not alone.

[fifthsonata]

I'm down. I'm sure Chel would even be happy to chat with butterflies with me while you watch.

That sounds wrong.

But a distraction is a distraction! Maybe clear your head enough to give you the confidence to call the suicide hotline.

Fucking butterflies!