My downstairs neighbor and I frequently sit out on our shared porch and chat and most of the time, it's quite enjoyable. She knows that I've been dealing with a period of major depression and have been out of work on leave for several months. Our building is small, so we generally know who's home and who's not, so she knew I was suddenly home during the day every day. She's retirement age but works a few freelance jobs but is home most of the time, so of course she noticed me being home all the time. I'm kind of amazed she couldn't hear my crying jags.
Anyway, she's one of those people who are prone to always comparing her experiences to others' in order to show how she did it first, she did it better, her experience was more real, etc. I think almost everyone knows someone like this. I never call her on it even though I want to. But I know then she would then know she got under my skin.
Well, Sunday night we were chatting about my situation and why I haven't gone back to work yet and she brought up how she had been depressed and went on anti-depressants when her ex-husband was dying of cancer. She mentioned how she could just be shopping for produce and suddenly start crying. I said, "yes exactly" thinking we were on the same wavelength, but then she tells me "of course I didn't have the luxury of being depressed and not working. I had children to feed." I took exception to her describing my leave as a luxury, especially in such a condescending way. She just kept over-talking me, which she does a lot, even repeating filler words to prevent me getting a word in, saying I had the luxury of being home and going to "happy day camp" which is what I jokingly called my Outpatient Therapy Program. I wanted to point out that a. if it was cancer for either of us, instead of depression, no one would question it and she wouldn't have gone to work any more than I had and b. I have paid into the system for years and I'm not getting anything I didn't earn. Do I recognize that I am extremely fortunate to have had decent insurance and the ability to go on extended sick leave? Yes, absolutely. But it's not a luxury, not by a long-shot. Had I not had those resources, had I not had payroll deductions for disability for many years, slogging away at a toxic job that was destroying my soul, I still don't know that I could have continued to work. I likely would have pushed myself to keep working right up until I had to be hospitalized or worse. And I haven't exactly been home watching tv, eating bon bons ( okay yes, I've actually eaten things worse (better) than bon bons and have played a lot of Plants vs Zombies, but she doesn't need to know that.) Mostly though, I went to multiple doctors, dealt with the effects of several new meds, gone to lots of therapy (2-5 days a week, plus group). She of course, didn't want to hear any of it, her experience defined the experience of depression and that's all there was to it. I know she's full of it. I know she's probably projecting her own insecurities. She's shared enough of her experiences (failures) with me that I could have thrown many of them back in her face if I'd wanted. And how I wanted to. I wonder why we let people like that get away with those behaviors and how people like that manage to have friends at all. I wish I could have ignored her entirely, denying her the satisfaction of her dig at me. Oh well. Next time, right?
I would get tremendous, vicarious enjoyment hearing from any of you who went for it and told off someone like this.
Anyway, thank you for letting me vent - hope it wasn't dreadfully boring - my Ambien is kicking in so I may have meandered a bit
