Phones

[talkthedog]

Not sure which wall to post this on. I guess here works. It is an anxiety thing. I hate calling people on the phone. People I don't know, that is. Friends and family I am OK calling (and not calling because I know they don't care) but my business requires me to call customers and as much progress as I have made in so many of my issues involving anxiety and depression this is one that I just can't seem to get past. I do it, eventually. But it is painful. I hate it and I put it off as long I as can get away with it and I have lost customers because of it.

The other issue is opening mail. (Thank you Paul for mentioning the evilness of mail on the last podcast!) But I am pretty sure that the mail is directly related to the IRS audits I had been through. Not much good comes from the mail.

But the phone thing has been with me for a while and I really am at a loss on this one. It has been with me for a while. I have even rationalized that they are calling me because they want my business and ya, I still hate it.

[Herself]

What bothers you about talking on the phone?

[SubstancelessBlue]

ME TOO. but I cant even talk to family! it's horrible and i need to get a job but because im so scared of calling i just cant on top of being anxious to talking to people in person and asking for applications. but my sister gets offended when i tell her i dont wanna talk on the phone. it makes me feel bad but its just this void sucking my insides out waiting for me to say something. the only people ive been able to talk to comfortably are boyfriends.

[Cheldoll]

I am terrified of talking on the phone with people I don't know. My mail also piles up for weeks, because you're right -- there's hardly ever anything good from mail.

@SB -- Phone interviews are the worst... I'm really not sure how I got an in-person interview for where I work now after I stumbled during the call the day before.

[talkthedog]

I have thought about exactly what it could be and I am not completely sure. I think some is self esteem. I am afraid that I sound stupid or am going to say something stupid. So I always rehearse what I am going to say. I also have appointment options ready because I am afraid I am keeping them on the line too long. And I think some of it is that not knowing what is on the other line. So I have a tendency to let it go to voice mail and then call them back. It's exhausting.

[heidiree]

I hate talking on the phone also. I have to call vendors for my job because I'm in purchasing but sometimes I can put it off for days because I just don't know the person on the other line. I feel awkward asking for status on an item, I hate that sometimes I have to get the run around from different people because I was transferred to the wrong person. The worst is when I call and they say "Oh here's another number to call" because my thought is "great another time of bringing myself to do something I hate". I'm actually going through a sort of arguement with my dad yesterday because he insists that I call my aunt to set up his vacation with her (he does need the help because he's dyslexic). I don't know my aunt well enough. I feel awkward on the phone, especially when I don't know the person well or at all!

You aren't alone. Sometimes you have to force yourself through it. It sucks but you gotta do it. At least until you are able to get a different job

[Nevina]

Oh yes, phones are my lifelong nemesis. For most of my childhood I was too afraid to talk to any strangers in person (didn't speak a word the entire Kindergarten year - my mom had to take me into a closet and interview me with a tape recorder so the class could hear my voice!), couldn't ask for help at a grocery store, etc. I still don't like smalltalk or having to start conversations but I can do it, and I'm fine with quick questions.

But not on the phone! My therapists always have said I'm afraid of making a mistake or sounding stupid, and that may be true but it isn't my conscious thought. I just freeze up when confronted with ANY question or unexpected response. That happens in person, too, but I can't avoid that like I can avoid phone calls. I can order pizza delivery or ask questions of a business or make appointments if I write everything down ahead of time. But I virtually never answer the phone. I also let it go to voice mail. And then I don't check the voice mail for weeks. Oops.

When I was a senior in high school I wanted to be a TA for my kindergarten teacher (who I had never spoken to!). I was too afraid to call her so I had my sister do it. And then my sister pretended to be me and I was super mad. But when I finally did talk to her she said she knew immediately who I was! Guess I made an impression as a student.

I tend to say the very shortest greeting when answering the phone at a job. I'll just quickly say the department or company name. I got yelled at by a doctor at my work for not stating my name when I answer, so now I quickly say "(company name), this is (name)." Ha. And if I get flustered I fail to do even that. I'm so glad I now almost never have to answer the phone at work.

It's definitely the freezing up when put on the spot, even if the question is super easy and normal. Just in the past couple of days I've started to think about maybe taking an improv class to work on that skill in a non-dangerous environment. Intimidating, yes! But I can't get fired from an improv class. Still pondering.

[ghughes1980]

I used to have this thing with phones too. What helped me was to get a job telemarketing. Now I just hate people, the phone is fine.

[KeithB]

Talking on the phone fills me with such anxiety and causes my stomach to go into flip-flop mode. I get nervous even calling people I am closest to, including family. It's part of my overall social anxiety. I somehow find ways to do it if I absolutely have to, like for work. But I dread it and get myself all worked up and upset prior to the call. Sometimes the anxiety will be alleviated during the call depending on my level of comfort with the person I'm talking to, but often times it's not. It's definitely not rational, and it doesn't make any sense. I can logically tell myself that nothing horrible is going to happen and that I'm being silly. But, that doesn't stop what I'm actually feeling. But, that's the thing with phobias, they aren't rational. The feelings just exist and there's nothing to be done about it. And, when you have social phobia, it's quite difficult to get through life because you have to interact with people every day unless you become a hermit and live out in the woods, and live off the land. (And believe me, I have certainly had fantasies about doing just that.)

I suppose I can count myself lucky in that I am somehow able to trudge through life, and I somehow can make myself talk on the phone if I absolutely have to. But, that fear and anxiety doesn't ever go away, and is right back with me before that next phone call, no matter how many times I use the phone. No matter how much practice I have, that anxiety stays with me, and I honestly don't expect it to ever get better. I know that despite the overwhelming anxiety I feel, there are people that have it worse and can't even function. So, I suppose I have to be thankful for small favors.

[soliloquy]

I am so relieved to find others who feel the same way I do! Talking to people on the phone is one of my biggest social fears. I admire those of you who are able to talk on the phone as part of your job and get through the anxiety somehow.

My job is data entry, and the one time they tried training me on a process that involved calling a customer I wound up crying and hiding in the bathroom when it was time to dial the number. I am so scared of getting yelled at (on the phone or in person) because of my years in the customer service industry having to stand there and take it politely when people were upset. I am terrified of people when they/we are customers somewhere. I expect to be yelled at, and I worry that I'll encounter a customer being rude to a service person because I get so angry and want to say something in the employee's defense, but I know I'll just panic and run.

This subject opened up a lot of thoughts for me to explore that I've been shoving aside, so thank you! (Not being sarcastic; I promise - I am filing this away to journal about later.)