Sometimes, running away from your problems is a good thing.

[captainpanicattack]

As of this afternoon, I have officially (and for the last time) dropped out of school.

Severe social anxiety, depression, and panic disorders have made my life a living hell since graduating high school in 2010. I had suffered from these conditions for a long while before then, but they reared their collective ugly head when I left boarding school. Going to classes has been absolute hell for me, and I stopped going a few weeks back because I was overcome with an abundance of fear about the very notion of stepping foot in another classroom. Not anxiety; fear. Since starting college, I have been to one university, dropped out, took a semester off to have surgery for a medical condition, transferred schools and then back again, failed all but one class last semester, and finally completely withdrew from school this afternoon.

Let me tell y'all something: I feel on top of the world.

In six months, I have to begin repaying roughly $23,000 in student loans (thank goodness for scholarships that helped out a bit with cost!). My car loan will soon fall on me (my stepfather has been kind enough to pay it while I have been in school), and I will also be responsible for rent and living expenses. I am, for all intents and purposes, striking out on my own out of desperation.

I am terrified, but I can't help but smile. For the first time in three years, I feel like things will somehow work out. I'm no longer bound by the societal expectation of needing to get a degree that I never wanted, no longer trapped in the well-manicured jail of a university campus. I have, in essence, run away from my problems (or at least a major problem).

Do I feel a little bit like a coward? Sure. But the feeling will pass, and I know two things: One, that I will be better off for it, at least for now. I can get a job, start supporting myself, and continue going to therapy. And two, that I can always go back should I want a degree. I have been privileged to have the opportunity to take three years to realize that I never should have gone to school in the first place, and to come from a family who, while not necessarily understanding, has been supportive of my decision and has stood by me for the most part while I take my personal journey through hell on Earth.

Sometimes, running away from your problems is a good thing. Sometimes, it can open up new doors. Sometimes, it will set you free.

[Cheldoll]

This is awesome. I'm really happy that you're feeling good and you have the support of your family.

I don't think I'd call it running away from your problems, though -- you're just doing what you want to do instead of trying to fulfill those societal expectations. Honestly, I think you've found a solution to your problems. And that's fucking awesome.

Here's to you and your new-found solution

[AlmostWell]

Yay! It sounds like you didn't run away. It sounds like you listened to what your authentic self wanted and went with it! How wonderful to find new invigoration! Hope it rubs off on me.