Applying for job. "Not enough": fear.

[oak]

Jose, thanks for posting. Great to hear from you, and I appreciate your honesty.

Some thoughts, which you are welcome to take or leave my friend:

It is good to take an interview seriously, but like you said it can also help to view it as a performance. Which it surely is, on both sides.

Since it is something of a performance, it is okay to view it as a game: if you or I play a video game or cards, we don't get super happy or super despondent if we lose. There will always be another game.

I encourage you to let go of the outcome of this interview. Do your best, but be okay either way. Your dignity, your worth is determined by your humanity, not your job title.

Still, if it is the right fit for you and them, I hope it goes well. I'll look with interest for an update! Good luck.

[shanarchy]

Hi Oak,

I can relate soooo much. I'm glad you are going for it, facing your anxiety straight in it's face. I'm rooting for you to get the best experience from this situation!

Also, I am grateful for the responses you've gotten. I feel I can benefit from them, too.

Please, continue to keep us updated; I am curious to know how it all develops.

[Jose]

oak, that was good advice to "not worry about the outcome of the interview." You know why? BECAUSE THERE WASN'T AN INTERVIEW TODAY!!! The lady who I talked with on the phone made a scheduling mistake and filled me in for an interview with the head manager, when I was supposed to meet with her ( assistant manager ) first. So we re-scheduled the pre-interview for Thursday.

Here's the thing- I did sit down with the manager, he looked at my resume and we talked for not even 5 minutes. It started out good, we talked about my past job and he seemed impressed with all the venues I've worked. Then he sprung the most obvious, simple question from someone hiring for a restaurant- "So, why do you want to work for a restaurant?"

I stalled and broke eye contact with him, paused for a good 5-10 seconds to think about an answer. In my mind: He didn't ask me "Why do I want to work at this restaurant, so I guess I should hold off on the compliments." I gave him my stock answer, that I like to be busy, in high energy environments, surrounded by a lot of people. However the way I answered it seemed to be diffusing the question instead of really selling myself.

So I felt that based on the results of that first question, I failed. He then asked me another question which I stalled on again... ( see, this is why it's been so hard for me to get employed and why I was so worried about this yesterday, my verbal communications skills are just not up to snuff.) Then he realized I hadn't done the pre-interview and actually wasn't even supposed to be seeing him yet. So he scheduled me for another day, but I felt like he was giving me the brush off. In those moments of silence I could see him judging how I'd measure up in his work environment and not liking it. So I think he decided right then I'm not hiring material. Should I waste my time going back and being rejected, doing 2 more interviews that take a huge chunk out of my day and have me festering with anxiety leading up to them? Should I subject myself to that? My heart is telling me no, to let them off the hook before they have the chance to turn me down. I've faced a lot of rejection in my life and I take it too personally. If I was to go through those two more interviews and not get the job after all that prep, psyching myself up, I would feel like a worthless human being. See, this is where my depression gets the best of me, but at least I know it's there and if afflicts me so when I see things like this coming my way I can plan a strategy for attack and not just feel like some freak of nature who will never get it 'right' ( *cue suicidal thoughts )

What do you think? I'm pretty dead certain that I'm not going to attend this pre-interview, but it's not the end of my job search. I got another call for an interview at a grocery store that's much closer to me and I think I would enjoy working at more. The pay is also better. Their interview process starts over the phone, then with the manager, then the district manager. And from what I hear they all give you the EXACT same interview. It's no sweat, though. I'm willing to go through that process for this job because I want it more than the other one. It's not a big to-do to get there either, since the place is right down the road from me. So I think I'll be fine with that.

Sorry to hijack your thread, Oak! Again, thanks for your help. I sincerely appreciate it. Still want to hear how your search has been!

[oak]

@Jose: Thanks for your encouragement. It means alot.

And hey congrats on going to that first interview. That took courage. You may want to consider going to the second interview, just for practice, but I can understand if you didn't go. Let me know how it works out. Good luck out there.

@Shanarchy!

Hugs and forum love! Bunches of it!

Your message came at the perfect time: It was a rainy Monday morning, after I learned that I almost certainly fucked up my interview last week.

I am sitting in my car, spiritually exhausted (spiritually gutted, really). Rain.

I check this forum on my phone and

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Sunshine!~~~~~

Kind words from Shanarch sunshine

My circumstances were the same, but I had a little joy in my heart.

I have a few job offers, or not, coming down in the next few days. I'll post or pm the results.

~~Brief Rant

You know how people say "I'm going to put myself out there" to date, or look for a job.

Well, I am doing both right now, and it is like I am exposing everything I am for the acceptance or rejection of strangers.

I really really like the paraphrased quote by way of Penn Gillette:

"The artist stands naked before you"

I am out there, emotionally naked, seeking.

It is exhausting, so exhausting, but also... cleansing.

Thanks to all of you for your continued encouragement and advice.

It is like ice cream. Or my favorite song on the radio.

[Jose]

Soooooo I blew off my interview. God, what a relief! I feel like a kid who woke up to a snow day and I can do whatever I want now. I know that it would've been good for practice, but it would've also been a waste of my time, I've already decided I don't want this job so to fake like I do would be even more painful for me. I'm in good spirits now, the doubts I was having about this made me an emotional wreck. I realized I was having more suicidal thoughts than usual, all related to this interview that I was dreading. So I saw an out and I took it, no regrets, clean getaway.

I have a phone interview tomorrow with a grocery store, I'm much more excited about this position, it pays better, allows me to interact with customers and be of service, it's an easy job and it's right in my neighborhood! So it won't be any problem for me to plan and prep for how I want to come off in this interview, because I'm not acting, I actually really want this job!

Being that this thread began around phone interviews, I was wondering if anyone had any helpful tips besides what MzLzie suggested. What are some things you want to do to leave a good impression over the phone? I have a list of some questions I'm expecting to be asked, and writing out my answers to them will be the single greatest effort to make me feel 'prepared', but I'm always worried about the unexpected questions and the impression they'll get if I stumble over them. I guess the only remedy for that is to just relax and take it one step at a time. And you can only be relaxed when you're prepared!

Oak, PLEASE tell us SOMETHING about how this phone interview went. I'm dying to hear about your experience with it so I can get an idea of how this will go. Thanks!

[oak]

Jose, good to see you making progress, and getting out there. Thanks for your encouragement.

As far as phone interviews, I like them. They gave employers to give more people a chance to interview, who otherwise wouldn't get on-site interviews.

My suggestion is to go all out in the phone interview, since there is no tomorrow:

Let's say 50 or 100 or 250 apply for any position.

They will typically phone interview 5 or ten people.

They'll bring 2 or 3 finalists onsite (or Skype) for a first interview. Often as not they'll offer after the first interview, or after the second onsite interview.

IMHO the phone interview is the key part, and can easily be won through enthusiasm and preparation. So a phone interviewee has to stand out from the other 5 or 10 phone interviewee.

Thanks, my friend, for inquiring about my phone interviews!

What happened this week is that I went to a kind career counselor, who was loving enough to tease out the mistakes that are holding me back in my job search, namely the finer points of interview preparation. It hurt to hear, it really did. It exhausted me, emotionally and spiritually for the next three days.

I'll pm you, Shanarchy, and weary when I get an offer.

Much forum love. Peace and progress.

[Jose]

I've been seeing a career counselor a few months now, it's helped immensely! I wouldn't have even applied to these jobs if it wasn't for her encouragement, and facing an interview would've made me go into a panic attack and avoid trying altogether. She just makes me feel normal for the position I'm at in life ( not many other people do ) and reassures me that I've got a shot at becoming employed. She's made the job hunt a very smooth process.


I'm all prepared with stuff written down for my interview tomorrow morning! wish me luck

[oak]

Good luck Jose.

I honor our career counselors

[Jose]

Well, I guess it couldn't have gone any worse. I don't think I'll be getting hired for this job. I stumbled on a few important questions and barely gave an answer to them. I always feel that no matter how well your answer certain questions, it's the ones you have trouble answering that really tells them where you stand. I did as much as I possibly could to prepare, and had two sheets printed out to read off of, but I just couldn't anticipate certain questions. I think that based on my work experience, and the fact that I've been convicted of a crime will disqualify me for this job. No biggie, I'll just keep on keeping on. I'm still happy and relatively optimistic about the future, but everytime I do one of these interviews it's like a punch in the gut, I couldn't believe how much I started sweating and trembling when she asked me certain questions I wasn't ready for. That's why I'm so glad it was a phone interview, but overall it was painless. This has all been a learning process to me, and staying on the topic of this forum, YES, I have a massive problem with social anxiety. I've just lived out so many years in a certain way that I'm comfortable with MYSELF, so I don't think it plagues me until I'm confronted in these interviews and have to answer questions I don't even know the answer to. Fuck man, I don't know. I hope there's a job out there for me. I love my life right now, but sitting around all day listening to podcasts and watching movies doesn't pay the bills...

[Jose]

I felt good about my interview yesterday, but now that it's sunk in I'm really nervous. Turns out there's some parts of the job I technically don't have any experience in. I know I'm going to be grasping at straws to answer certain questions or maybe won't be able to come up with a response at all. I think I could end up looking really bad is all I'm saying, when before I was confident that this was the right place for me, looking into the technicalities of the job I'm not so sure... I'm going to try to prepare some answers, but mostly I just need to calm myself down so I don't have a panic attack. I always get so nutty about these things, but if I get the job I'll do my best to learn and pay close attention to my responsibilties. It's just that defeated, inadequate feeling like a punch in the gut when you don't ace the interview that I'm not looking forward to, and could most likely happen. I'll live through it at least, and in the end I can chalk it up as experience, but god damn is this stressful.