Tailgating: get away from me.

[Butterflies&Flowers]

Forgive me, but I just don't understand a trend that I see so often among depressed and damaged people: they spend a lot of time "honoring" and "respecting" other people's dignity, space and roles in society, but seem to have no clue as to how to honor and respect themselves -- like your safety on the road.

Here's the bottom line: if you are in the fast lane and get tailgaited, move over. That's the law. If you can't move over, slow down, so if the asshole hits you, the damage to you and your car will be minimal. I've had whiplash, and I don't intend to get it again. So I slow down. I also make a habit of looking at their license plate and/or checking the car model and the driver (if I can) in case they do a hit and run. Gathering this information makes me feel powerful, like I am taking care of myself. Believe me, your insurance company will really appreciate it.

Finally, by going slower, I am then able to practice ignoring them. It's not my problem, it's theirs. This isn't always easy, but it makes a great meditation practice.

Since I suffer from agitated depression, I have a lot of anger. Over the years, I've learned to channel that anger into taking care of myself with a vengeance. I don't let landlord, nasty neighbors, banks, credit card companies, utility and cable comanies or asshole drivers run over me. I was bullied enough as a kid. I don't take it as an adult.

[oak]

A few weeks I saw something that fascinated and disgusted me. The moral equivalent of a pile of glistening maggots.

One fine morning I was driving into work, and was de rigeuer tailgaited. Not the worst ever, but enough to silently curse her and everything she stands for. No biggie.

Going from a two lane road to a four lane street, she sped past me to stop at a stoplight. This is where things start to go wrong for her, and little did I know what human drama and folly I was about to see.

Being both observant and a non-jerk, I saw a guy my age (ie old enough to know better) sauntering across the crosswalk, aggressively yelling and gesturing at cars that were just sitting there, waiting for the light to turn. I saw that I didn't want any part of this nonsense, and meekly scooted up to the red light, giving this agitated man plenty of space. If I could have reasoned with him, I'd have told him that standing in a crosswalk and yelling at cars is beneath a man's dignity, inasmuch as there are a million more productive things we could be doing. Alas.

But anyway the woman who had been tailgaiting me whips around me and nearly runs over the agitated man. Though it lasted for the cycle of a red light (thirty seconds? two minutes?), the man began screaming at my tailgaiter and motioning very aggressively. I thought he was going to kill her. I couldn't hear the words he spoke, but the tone and gestures could mean only so many things, namely violence.

His pride (or whatever) satisfied, he shuffled away, screaming at her.

Some thoughts:

1. The whole situation should have never happened.
2. Had either one of them not been heartless, thoughtless jerks it would have never happened (proof: I avoided the guy and nothing happened)
3. They deserved each other. I am not saying it should have happened, but that their behavior was complimentary. That was the reality they worked together to create.

This happened in a once-great city: there is an NFL team there, and the neighborhood we were in is surrounded by world class institutions.

I suspect that there is a conspiracy for this failing city to methodically drive away young, talented, educated people into the suburbs, willfully losing a generation of tax income to said suburbs. As if the city leaders got together and asked how they could create an urban environment that was so wasteful, neglected, scary, expensive, time-wasting, and pointless to keep the next generation of the most talented people in the region in the safe, clean, quiet suburbs.

(Although I hasten to add that my current employers are wonderful and sanity reigns just inside the front door.)

I've been meaning to post this post for some weeks. I think this is probably my last word on tailgaiting. Here are my final thoughts:

1. Having already nearly been killed in 2004 by an extremely reckless tailgaiter (my car was totalled, they drove away, but I walked away unscratched...physically), I can declare that tailgaiting is: reckless, stupid, pointless, sorrowful-making, contemptuous of the value of life, and can very much get people killed. For absolutely no gain.

2. I am not a city guy, and certainly not a rush hour city guy. My talent and tax money will go elsewhere.

3. Tailgaiting, as pointless and stupid as it is, is sadly a fact of my life. I can take steps to mitigate being around it.

4. Meanwhile getting overly upset at tailgaiters, as natural as it is, is beneath my dignity. Or, perhaps it is time for me to focus more on my goals and the who can help me move forward.

As I see it, I survived a reckless, vehicular manslaughter-bent, tailgaiter once. That is once more than alot of other people got.