Applying for job. "Not enough": fear.

[oak]

Hey all.

(Background: Despite my professional disappointments, I have a pretty strong LinkedIn profile. I am proud of the efforts I implemented to reach out to my contacts, and I have a pretty healthy network.)

On Monday a recruiter from a nationally-known institution contacted me through LinkedIn. This recruiter (who checks out on the institution's website) suggested I apply for a certain position. The recruiter saw my profile on LinkedIn and was kind enough to message me.

I am qualified for the position, but it is at a higher level of responsibility and pay than I am used to. (I have struggled with underearning.)

Today, right now, I am putting my application together for it, and on a scale of 1 to 10, I have a professional anxiety of 8.

I am rewriting my coverletter to reflect the job description, as I have not applied for this specific type of position for some time.

I feel anxious about writing the coverletter. I feel happy that the recruiter noticed me.

I would have talked myself out of applying has this recruiter not contacted me.

Thanks for listening. Update to follow.

[weary]

Hi Oak,

Acknowledge the anxiety and be patient and compassionate with yourself for having it. If you can get some insight into why it is so strong (what you afraid will happen if you fail? if you succeed?), great. If not, just sit with it. That being said, I think writing the letter and submitting it will be a really important step - whether or not you get an offer and whether or not you decide to take it, putting yourself out there and giving yourself a shot is important - you deserve it. Best of luck!

[manuel_moe_g]

Best of luck and keep us posted "oak"! I think this is a perfect post for this forum - feelings and challenges and victories we are all familiar with!

[oak]

Thanks weary and manuel! Much love.

So I completed it.

Background: I've been applying for jobs in my field for nine years (can you feel the shame radiating from that?), so I am familiar with most of the application systems.

I wrote the coverletter just fine. However, when I went to attach it to the application-in-progress, I was sent backwards, and I couldn't tell at first if the coverletter attached. The flow of the online application was a confusing and non-intuitive, but I was able to figure it out.

Also, the application asked if I ever defaulted on a student loan, and I honestly clicked "yes".

The defaulted student loans and professional disappointments in this process brought up alot of old, bad memories. "Not enough".

I am grateful, however, for the recruiter messaging me. Moving forward, I will apply for more positions. The shame and regret, which have never served me, will try to keep me in the same old pattern.

I want to break out of that pattern into a happier one.

This exercise was an important baby step. Thanks again for listening.

[weary]

Way to push through the anxiety! I feel like the biggest hypocrite for saying this because I haven't learned this lesson well myself, but work on being "good enough" for yourself first. If you're not good enough for yourself, it won't matter whether or not anyone else thinks you're good enough. I can relate to thinking about something like the student loan and feeling shame. Remember that nobody is perfect - people make mistakes, and that doesn't make them bad people.

[oak]

Update!

I have a phone interview coming up late this week.

I took little actions, baby steps, this week by applying for jobs that I am qualified for, and would meet my financial needs.

I am healing from underearning. (I want to watch my language, being careful about how I describe myself; I've found that words are very powerful.)

Also, I am sending good vibes (ie "praying") for a temp employer who sorta (and by "sorta" I mean "totally") nickel and dimed me (and by "nickel and dimed" I mean "cheated me") out of perhaps up to 50% of what they morally owed me.

I am trying to focus on the lessons learned rather than dwell on the screwing.



Any thoughts and suggestions for my phone interview?

How can I do this in a moral and spiritual way?

The phone interview will be Thursday or Friday, so I'll report back on Saturday on how I implemented y'all's suggestions.

Much love.

[MizLzie]

Way to go Oak!

My advice:
- WRITE THINGS DOWN! Make sure you have your talking points written down in whatever way makes sense to you. Point form, paragraphs. Whatever it is, something that you can look at, while you're on the phone so you don't forget something.
- Speak clearly & slowly. Try not to let nervousness get the better of you and start talking too fast, they will miss important points you're trying to make.
- If they ask a question, answer it and wait for the next one. Try not to offer too much extra information as phone interviews are generally a condensed way of interviewing. Quick & easy. Too much extra information may mean you miss something important you wanted to say, that you wrote down.
- Dress as if it's an interview. Seriously. Quite often we can change our entire mindset by what we are wearing. If you dress as if you were walking in there, you may behave as if you were there.

Phone interviews aren't the easiest to manage as most often you are at home when the call comes, so it's easy to fall into a relaxed mode, when in reality - it's still an interview. GOOD LUCK!!

** the opinions offered are just that, my opinions. I could be very wrong, but this is what I've come across in my experience. If someone believes I am dead wrong and wants to correct - please do!!**

[oak]

Much forum love MzLzie!

I followed your advice, and I was cool. Cooool.

(I value other input, since I anticipate more phone interviews!)

I took your advice litterally, since this was my previous uh...."method" of "preparing" for a phone interview:

"What!? My phone interview is in ten minutes......oh snap! Heeeey, I am a man! Men can make things happen through the force of their personality. lol! Seat of my pants time!.........................etc"

So rather than lol-ing through this one, I spent a few minutes yesterday expressing gratitude to the universe (some would call this "praying") for the phone interview. I also sent positive vibes for my interviewer. I had a sincere appreciation that they'd give me a chance.

Per your suggestions, I wrote out 3 bullet points, which I end up using.
I tried to speak slow and loud, and did pretty good with that.
I dressed up.

I was calm and happy. I tried to listen and really understand the interviewer's point of view.

Happily, phone interviewing practice is like super important and growthful to me as I heal from underearning.

Thanks to MzLzie for the good advice, thanks to the potential employer for giving me a chance, and most of all thanks to me for keeping hope alive, for trying, for being honest, and to ask for help.

I radiate hugs, love, and respect.

[MizLzie]

Yay! (I actually clapped my hands together reading your post)

Very happy to hear it went well and that my advice was useful. The dressing up part makes such a big difference, funny how much.

Fingers crossed things work out just how you hope!

[Jose]

Congrats on getting through it, Oak! I'd be interested to hear an update in how your search is going...


I have an interview at a restaurant tomorrow, and I've put off planning or stressing about it until today. I feel confident in my capabilities for this job, and I think my resume' shows that my previous experience makes me more than qualified to work there.
However, I'm just becoming nervous about the 'uncertainty' of it all. What questions will I be asked? How can I rest assured that I'll comfortably be able to answer anything in a snap? << This one seems downright impossible to get a handle on. Of all things, face to face verbal communication has always been my greatest weakness, and the thing that brings up my anxiety the most. It has been the reason behind all my past failures in social life, relationships, career, and education...I'm having a little get together today and I'm dreading even talking to these people who I've known for most of my life.

I know the most important thing to ensure that I have a good interview is to write a script, and talking points to go over and memorize. I'm just finding it difficult to anticipate exactly what will be asked of me and how to readily prepare an answer. What I'm doing now is going over they're expecations of me to fulfill this role and trying to highlight how I have succeeded with them in my last job. I'm stressing the most about the questions they will ask about me. What are your strengths and weaknesses? How will you be an asset to the company? I'm doing my best to psyche myself up as the confident, outgoing, can-do person, but really wracking my brain over how to present that to them. I really have to be an actor. I think the more I look at it as an 'act' to be 'performed', not exactly putting the real me on display, the more I feel I'll be able to deal with the situation accordingly. I'm just worried about those moments where I'll be grasping at straws for an answer to a question out of left field, and in that moment, the employer thinking 'This isn't the one. He couldn't tell us ' about a time when he used problem solving to correct a co-worker's mistakes on the job.' You know? That shit. I can't say I'm at Trembling-wanting to jump out of my skin-cold sweat anxiety, but I'm certainly not 'ready'. It's just this daunting feeling I have that I need to relax and calm down to get a hold on this, yet this could lead to the very procrastination that might mean I'm out of a job!!!!

I know there are some practical tools I can use to go about this. Please help. It's my first real job.