feeling invalid

[Ellieoncé]

I have never classed myself as having an eating disorder to anybody because it has always been very internal and my weight would never really change and neither would my eating or exercise habits very drastically. I feel so invalid as, especially as a teenage girl, feeling fat and dieting was very normal and almost encouraged. It was years ago that I was obsessively counting calories, posting on my secret weight loss blog , occasionally starving, occasionally bingeing & purging, but not actually losing any weight because I'm even bad at having an eating disorder lol. Nowadays I am so much better in that I don't count calories and do not hail 'skinny' as being the only way to be acceptable.... I still am nowhere near comfortable in my body and my eating but I can keep the thoughts at bay for the most part and tell that part of my brain to shut up. Is there anybody else who feels invalid because they have always been outwardly healthy to the outside world and even ate fairly normally but whose minds are tortured with obsession, shame and fear over food and their weight?