Boo! Haunted House: A List of Terrors

[Mr.Chimney]

1) I fear that one of my best friends, who lives 5000 miles away and serves in the military will drift away from lack of contact and my frequent public outbursts about the Canadian state. He is an amazing person and I'm so glad that he got out of his miserable job and into a stable position. That is what he has always wanted and I could not be happier that he got it. I don't speak to him nearly often enough and I fear that I am becoming difficult to stay friends with because of my snarky commentary on Canada.
2) I fear that I will be stuck in Canada forever. Living in Canada is morally and emotionally compromising for me and I want desperately to leave it. But moving abroad ain't cheap and my money tree can't grow that kind of coin in a day. Or a month. Or a year. Or...an ever?
3) I fear the ridicule and scorn I know I will face when I return to my parents' place. I have not been able to go to the gym as much as I would like to and I know that I will get unwanted comments about my waistline. I cannot tell you how damaging this is to hear, but despite me asking that they not discuss it the topic manages to come around every time.
4) I fear waking up one morning and suddenly coming to the unshakable conclusion that everything that happened to me in childhood was justified and acceptable and that I truly am a failure of a human being for not dealing with it properly. Whatever properly means.
5) I fear that my family will come apart with my Grandmother's death. I am terrified that my mother and uncle will go and do something stupid which will split the family and leave my very positive relationship with my cousins in doubt.
6) I fear that I will never have the money to go to graduate school and will work for years at depressing and menial jobs making progressively more money for doing so.
7) I fear that, because I have "let myself go" and am not in the same shape I was when I suffered from body dysmorphia which made me starve myself and work out until I passed out, my girlfriend will dump me and I will be left alone. I love her so much and I would be devastated to lose her over something like that. I have no reason to think that this is going to happen; just a constant paranoia.
8) I fear that one of these days I will listen to one of my constant intrusive thoughts and that the results will be devastating.
9) I fear that I will turn into my father when I can no longer handle my own cynicism.
10) I fear that I will not be able to hold on mentally until after yet another legal battle with my father. My mother does not want me to seek help because she fears that my father would subpoena my medical records and use it against me in court to prove that I am "still insane". But I really need someone soon and the person she keeps suggesting is a creepily Christian guy whose 40-pageI pamphlet took about 3 hours to proofread while bored on a train. This is obviously not helpful.
11) I fear that my family still bitterly resents my apostasy and secretly does not accept my renunciation of Mega-Catholicism. I further fear that my parents are using me as a warning as to what happens when people abandon their faith so as to scare my younger brother into silence.
12) I fear that my younger brother's lonely life in a cookie-cutter suburb in a car-centric town of 40,000 has given him a complex.
13) I fear my marijuana use will be discovered by my family and will result in a screaming match unrivalled by any since the Great Renunciation of the Faith.
14) I fear my father trying to reconnect with me.
15) I fear coming to the realization that both my father and mother were unfit parents despite how much I love my mother.
16) I fear that my stepfather will eventually succeed in committing suicide.

Feels weird to write all of that out.

[Mr.Chimney]

17) I fear having my feet mangled such that I can no longer go for walks.
18) I fear that the happiness I feel is just overwound cynicism and that I have forgotten what real happiness is supposed to feel like.
19) I fear that my ongoing struggles to have my mother recognize my illness will see me go untreated for a long time.
20) I fear that my resume is already inadequate and that I'll never advance beyond my current shit-job.
21) I fear that I am starting to sleep in. I know this shouldn't scare me but the thought of sleeping more than 6 hours or so a day is unpleasant.
22) I fear that my grandparents on my father's side are already dead and I don't know about it. they listened to him instead of me (I can't blame them for that) and I haven't seen them in years. Talking to them in person is unwise because they will relay everything to my father. I also do not want my father knowing my address so I can't really send a letter. They have no Internet. I really can't reach them and my father would be perfectly cool with simply not telling me that they had passed. I miss them both and respect them but they are lost to me forever.
23) I fear that the cat is going to die horribly while my girlfriend is away.
24) I fear surprise bills appearing. I don't know why but I always feel like phone and utility companies are just waiting to spring some huge fee on you for some arbitrary reason and I consequently am afraid of both paying bills and receiving them. For months now I have just guessed at how much I am supposed to pay and then overshot that number. When I'm okay to look at those numbers again I fear that I will have accidentally accrued some obscene debt anyways. A twofer!