some of my fears

[melalerve]

• I'm afraid my options are running out
• I'm afraid of becoming homeless or having to live in a violent poverty zone (what Chris Hedges calls "Sacrifice Zones")
• I'm afraid of Peak Oil
• I'm afraid that I'm only afraid of Peak Oil because oil is required to produce nylon and I love nothing more than a woman in nylon stockings
• I'm afraid of cancer
• I'm afraid that I will get cancer if I ever dare to stop being miserable
• I'm afraid I'll never get to the bottom of my shame-based self-defeating behaviors and habits and learn to somewhat manage them one by one
• I'm afraid that on an emotional level I'll never even truly understand that my self-defeating actions are shame-based
• "I'm afraid you don't meet our profile, sir."
• I'm afraid of looking for a job or a relationship, not because I'm afraid I couldn't "score", but because whenever I've had the choice I've made the wrong, self-defeating choice
• I'm afraid that not looking for a job or a relationship is still just a play on me making the wrong, self-defeating choice
• I'm afraid of coming across people who are actually living the life I want to live
• I'm afraid that I'll never be able to recognize and trust good people who want to touch me
• I'm afraid that I'll never stop being too naive and trusting with bad people
• I'm afraid I'll never meet a person who wants to understand me
• I'm afraid my horrific snoring will prevent me from even wanting to enter a relationship ever again (Why would I do that to a woman I love?)

[lilacskateteam]

I'm afraid of coming across people who are actually living the life I want to live

couldnt have put this any better.

[FrecklesMcGee]

I'm afraid that on an emotional level I'll never even truly understand that my self-defeating actions are shame-based

I love this sentence. This helps me recognize the connection between my own self-defeating actions and my own shame. I never made that connection before. I've been reluctant to share my shameful secrets in therapy because it's so hard. I justify it by saying there's no reason to share those things, they can't really be affecting me, blah blah blah. This just put it into clear focus for me. I'm still not ready to share those secrets but maybe now I will stop justifying NOT saying them.