My Fear Off List

[20yrOldShitShow]

I Fear:

-That my mom will die at an early age and i will be forced into the role of family care taker... and i will fail.
-That if my roommates keep leaving the doors unlocked we will be robbed and all my camera equipment will get taken.
-everyone in my life is wrong about me and I'm actually a fraud film student who should switch to a real major.
-that a future partner will see my stretch marks and not keep their disgust to themselves.
-that i will work at best buy for the rest of my life.
-that my therapist talks about me to her other clients the same way she talks about them to me.
-my dad is rude to my mom when I'm not there to defend her.
-that my parents are still together because my dad needs my mom and my moms too scared to be alone.
-that there is an OBVIOUSLY unlovable quality that i possess hat everyone knows about but no-one is telling me.
-becoming obese from having a child.
-that trump won't get assassinated or impeached and this country will have to go through years of this hate and distraction only to spend decades trying to get back to where we where before this fat fuck took over our country by praying on the uneducated.
-that I'm my moms best friend and i break her heart when i live my life instead of staying at home with her.
-being myself inform of my dad
-being vulnerable in-front of my dad
-no matter how hard i work i still won't be doing enough.
-that the next time i see my grandparents they will look a lot more close to death
-that my grandpa won't beat the cancer
-i won't be able to both get sober and keep my friends.
-that my vagina is gross and no matter how much i clean it or give it attention it just won't be up to par.
-that my coworker secretly hate me
-having kids with terrible personalities and not wanting to hang around them
-having kids and then someone hurting them
-that i will have kids and find out later in their lives that something terrible was happening to them and i never knew and never saved them.
-im gonna get my double major in film and psychology and have absolutely nothing to do with them.
-I will live a long life and never find the significance within it
-i will live a long life
-i will never find love
-im bad in bed
-all i will every be described as if "funny"
-my mom will die because she's obese but not from being obese.....like she can't pull herself up off a cliff or something.
-that my mom is really sad but doesn't know that she doesn't have to be or how to get help
-i will never truly be happy or balanced
-that my baby cousin was molested by the same boys as me and i've been too lost in my own trauma that i forgot how much more time they spent with her than me.
-my cousin will never understand how amazing she is
-no-one will ever make me feel as good as the drugs do.
-that my substance abuse hasn't peaked yet
-or when I'm too old to wax the hair on my face and i begin to grow a gross patchy woman beard
-im going to go bling from sleeping in my contacts for weeks on end....im gross i know
-im not good enough to make it in film
i will meet someone who could change my life but they won't because they simply don't like me
-ill never understand the mail system
-kidding old people
-being just another organism on this planet that ultimately has no significance
-not getting into heaven because i have bashed the idea of god so heavily in my life time
-i will die and it will be nothing
-i will die and there is actually a heaven
-i will die and ill have to chill with my dead family members until the actual good ones die and join us
-i will marry down
-my husband will marry down
-telling my mom about my childhood molestation and having to watch her break down
-dieing from lack of oxygen
-starting medication for my depression and then stoppingg taking them for some reason and then having to deal with the terrible downs
-not being able to make it through the downs
-people who still wear plaid
-katt williams
-out living my brother
-never seeing my brother get clean
-accidentally killing an animal
-letting my child ride that torturous death trap we call the school bus.
-no one has ever loved my to the level that I've loved them
-being harassed by a white supremacist in public and having no-one stand up for me
-being at this level of financial stability forever
-that ill always be the consumer and never the producer.
-being hospitalized and having my family drown under the dept of the bills

[rivergirl]

Hi 20yrold,
Thanks for sharing your list. Some of these items are funny, and some are heartbreaking. I hope you can find support/love/comfort/peace that will help ease some of your fears.

rg