My Favorite Loves List (because these are just some!)

[brave-girl-living]

I love when my teenage daughter suddenly feels affectionate and initiates a hug or similar act of affection and by doing so pulls me to the tippy top of her emotional roller coaster where the view is pristine and spectacular before the dangerous drop that I know is ahead of me, where I once again will become the most unreasonable person in the world to her.

I love a room, a house, without clutter. With everything in its place and nothing amiss. I love the feeling of order and control and of feeling like my brain is as minimally overcrowded as my apartment is; even though it is just for that moment.

I love waking up with warm sunshine streaming through the window, kicking off the covers and basking in it.

I love the rare moments that I feel amazing and in awe of my own body and beauty.

I love the occasional night alone in my own bed without my partner or one of my kids.

I love warm summer nights outside with friends; with cigarettes, beer, a campfire and laughter that doesn't end till nearly dawn.

I love it when my children make EACH OTHER laugh and they are truly just enjoying each other.

I love days that I don't feel overwhelmed by what I have ahead of me; the days I have just the right amount of balance of time to myself, work and social stimulation. Those are the good days.

I love mutually emotionally vulnerable relationships that scream "authentic". Where both parties have the balls to be honest and open, with themselves and the other person, about their past, thoughts and feelings.

I love feeling strong in myself but also connected to the people I "need". I love the balance of independence and dependency. It's one I've worked hard to find and I love feeling the glimpses of it when I find it.

I love feeling like I'm taking care of my kids needs. When they seem happy, loving, content and at peace. When they show me love in one of their love languages, when I connect to them on a verbal/emotional level, when it seems like it's all good enough.

I love my self-awareness. I fully believe it's the only/main thing (other "main things" spurred off because of it) that has gotten me to where I am: feeling without being self-destructive, using my voice, taking care of myself and my needs, fostered relationships, gotten me out of bad relationships, given me the balance and perspective to handle difficult circumstances and made me grow.

I love coming out of a personal emotional attack strong, safe and healthy. It's not something I've always been able to do. And the personal feeling of success and strength is very rewarding.

I love being happy and not feeling guilty about it and realizing that my happiness doesn't come at the cost of other people's needs/happiness or at the cost of "my salvation".

I love hearing Paul say awefulsome things on his podcast, and laughing out loud at them while he shames and berates himself, wondering if he should rerecord and being so glad he left it intact.