Sleeping Pills

[RocketShipInABox]

8 years go I moved cross country to be with a guy I though was the one. Things didn’t turn out too great and eventually I started to need to escape my life somehow.

I started taking 50 mg of an over the counter sleep medication and boy did it change my life. If I was having a bad day I just took a pill and lay in bed in a sort of half awake half asleep state that felt so wonderful and all other things melted away.

As the body tends to do with medication I quickly built up a tolerance to the pill and gradually moved up to 200 mg a night. Then, you guessed it, tolerance. I decided to start taking 0.5 mg of a benzodiazepine with the sleeping pills. Fast forward to today and I take 200mg of sleeping pills and 6 mg of Benzo and still just lay here in bed waiting for some relief.

I started to take breaks only taking the medication combo every second week so the tolerance would have left a little and I’d get that sense of euphoria laying in bed falling asleep with no way to stop it.

Then I started listening to the Podcast and I learned that I had all the hallmarks of an addiction. I had never considered before that one could even be addicted to sleeping pills. I did research and came up with loads of information about why you can 100% be addicted and how dangerous what I was doing really was.

I decided then and there to reach out and get help. Seeing as we’re still dealing with covid seeking help was different than I expected but I managed to share my feelings with my family and friends at the very least.

People were much more supportive than I had expected. On my first attempt to stop I even made it 5 days with no pills. As soon as I hit some stress though I went right back to hiding in my bed with my pills. I’m starting again tomorrow and I fully expect the next little while to be a sleepless mess and I expect I’ll be pretty unbearable to be around but wish me luck please.

May you all stay strong and make it through these hard days.

[oak]

Good luck! Keep us posted.

[rivergirl]

Sleep has been one of my go tos in dealing with depression and anxiety, so I completely understand why you would develop an addiction to sleeping pills.

Congratulations on recognizing this is an issue for you and reaching out for help. Those are huge steps.

I'll be thinking of you as you're starting again, and wishing you all the best. Keep us posted if that helps at all.

rg

[brownblob]

Good luck

[RocketShipInABox]

Thank you everyone. It’s not been going well but I’m trying.

[oak]

Very good. Thank you for sharing.

This is a difficult substance to wean oneself from, no doubt. But we believe in you. You got this.

[rivergirl]

Please be kind to yourself and give yourself credit because you're doing something really difficult.

I hope you have someone you can turn to for support (family, friend, counselor?) but I know that isn't always easy.

I care and I'm wishing you well.

[RocketShipInABox]

It seems I’m very much not finished with sleeping pills. In fact I’ve started to take 8mg of the benzo instead of 6. I’ll run out soon and I’ll be pretty sick I’m sure. I’m not quite sure what to do.

I don’t know if any support groups or how to find them. Especially with Ontarios Covid numbers at 10k a day now.

I’m also not sure I’m ready to deal with real life and real problems. I’d much rather just sleep forever.

[Beany Boo]

It sounds like you’re in immediate danger.

A support group will certainly help to walk through the issues and resolve them in an honest and caring way over time.

Benzodiazepine withdrawal is difficult. It would be better to get to a doctor today rather than wait until you’re in withdrawal.

The difficulty will be less about the pandemic. It might be more that it’s difficult to be completely honest with a stranger about what has happened to you.

You need help you cannot give yourself. Someone else can, if you let them. A doctor can help with the medication, referral to a support group and how to navigate recovery during Covid.

Call a crisis helpline to help you put the thoughts and actions together. It’s anonymous and they’re ready.

Real life is not easy it’s true. But it’s easier than what you’re putting yourself through right now.