Menstrual Pains and Emotions

[Sherlock]

It's finals week at my college.

I'm an art student and I have to draw one more big project for Figure class. That's all I have to do besides show up for that class and another.

I have time to do it... up til Thursday. But it would have been faaaantastic if I did NOT start my period this fucking week.

I knew it was coming. I now know when it's coming better than when I was younger because now, my torso is in pain. It's not a constant pain unless I move oddly but if I just touch lightly, like up to my rib cage, it hurts.

And then when it starts, it's a HORRIBLE stomach ache--THIS I've had since I was a teenager. It's like being sick once a month. A great metaphor that I read online once was "it feels like your intestines are being twisted around by a fork." It's not jolting horrible pain; it's dizzy, it's nausea, it's like if you eat too much candy or drink too much caffeine. My limbs feel weak.

Worse off! I'm already depressed--it makes the depression SO MUCH WORSE. It's all the "fuck yous" my bodies can get to my brain in the world--every fuck you to everything.

I almost feel like it's not major but... I know there are women who are not sick once a month because of their period. Cramps, yes. Some bodily pain, yes. Mood swings and some mild depression, yes. NOT to the point where they just can't fucking do anything but wait it out.

Also weird is that the past two times, it's been super short--three days? And then not a lot of heaviness. I'm so "fuck you" right now that I'm being honest here--usually, I know when the "chunks" come out. The chunks that are really the egg, the chunks that are the actual skin uteran wall. I haven't been seeing it--and I don't know if it's because I'm using tampons more...? I usually see the chunks if I just go to the bathroom in the middle of a heavy day and it's like "okay, we're past that point." I just haven't been seeing those chunks.

My grandma and my mom both had endometriosis. It's when you get scar tissue on your uterus every period, and so shit gets stuck, and it's Not Good. They used to tell women that they would be infertile even though it's not actually true, but that's how bad it *looks*. I really need to go to an OBGYN but I also really need to go to my psychiatrist, goes to a therapist and go to a dentist and go see my sister who's having a baby and need to go back to school at some point just... it gets pushed back.

Just needed to rant and see if any other women experience periods that just kick their ass every month.

[Sherlock]

Also for the record it's usually better by the second day--if not the second day than the third. JSYK.