Unemployment and Job Search

[oak]

After 9 years of underemployment and periodic unemployment, I am emotionally and spiritually exhausted.

Moreso now that I am conducting a job search that I am proud of.

You know that mental feeling that is a mix of pride, accomplishment, completeness, contentent?

Is the technical term dopamine?

Whatever it is, I have none of it. And this is while I am networking and applying for jobs. It is not a feeling of sadness, depression, or discouragement (although I feel all of those at times during my job search).

It is a spiritual and emotional emptiness, spent-ness. I am not sure if that makes any sense.

[ThaneRising]

oak,

I can relate to this exhaustion. I've been going through a transition of employment (having a place to go and be identified as a person of worth) to underemployment/unemployment. When I had my job, I really felt like I was on top of the world (to the point of hubris, which is probably one of the reasons why I'm hanging by a thread at that place now). I'm certainly no stranger to being unemployed- I mean, I was just some shithead degenerate about 15 months ago. But now that I got a taste of being a person with a career in the adult world, I don't want to go back to what I was 15 months ago. I'm afraid to end up back at square one when I had done so much work to put myself forward in the past year. Now when I sit at home without anything to do, I feel even more worthless because I can still freshly recall the time where I was doing things that made me, well, a person of worth.


I read a study here: http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2013/0 ... ?mobile=nc that shows that people's chances for employment drop substantially when they're unemployed for more than six months, which freaks me the fuck out. This makes me really anxious to find a new job and to keep the ball of my career rolling, because I don't want it to stop and then be shit out of luck and unable to get it rolling from a dead-rest. I don't want this year to go from "the beginning of my promising career" to "a fluke of a year where I had a pretty neat job but now it's all over." And I know I'm not gonna be bombarded with everybody trying to hire me, but every day I send in my applications and hope that someone sees the worth in me just like I see it in my work (I actually do still see worth in my work), and I hate that this seems to be all that I can do at the moment. And as each day goes by where I'm left unanswered by employers, it's sapping. And when I see this "six months until expiration of all hope" deadline that I've kinda created for myself, I get even more bogged down with negative feelings. As of right now, I'm ready to get back on the saddle and put forth the effort and quality I did before. But what if more time goes by and I just lose the willpower to be able to perform the way I used to? The more I think about it, the less time I feel I have to waste.


I just don't feel safe in this part of life right now, so every day feels like it's too late. Which I know is a reality that I am creating for myself, but damn it all if my feelings don't make it as valid as can be.

[heathen1981]

I've been unemployed for most of the past four years. The mental struggle of searching for a job and presenting myself as a great potential employee has been not only fruitless, but bordering on desperation. For three years I've lived on around $8,000, mainly from my college tuition refunds. I barely pay my bills, have had my phone shut off, struggle to keep food in the fridge, and have had to put off any sort of treatment for any health issues because regardless of my best efforts, no one will hire me. I'm almost convinced that I'm just not marketable or useful anymore. I've only worked in retail, and my lack of experience in any other field is also holding me back. My credit score is also abysmal, and most likely my biggest problem, but I can't fix it because I have no money!

I can feel your pain, and I hope one day to feel that relief of finally getting a job.

[oak]

Thanks thane and heathen for posting on my thread about emotional exhuastion.

It turns out that 2 days after that post, I bottomed out (please let that be the bottom...please) emotionally.

I am happy to report that since then things are better, thanks to a combination of:

effort
trying new things
help from friends
a little luck

As far as my job search (which will soon be restarting), I found the awfully-titled-but-otherwise-amazing book "What Color is your Parachute?" to be the difference between employment and unemployment.

As far as debting, there are two ways to get into debt: overspending and underearning. I found deep, profound healing love in Debtors Anonymous, particularly in face to face meetings, supplemented by phone meetings. Underearners Anonymous is outside my wheelhouse, but only because face to face meetings for them is impractical for me.

I am not healed, recovered, or cured of un- and underemployment. But things are better, much better, than when I posted this thread.

I am humbled and grateful for my current employment, and grateful for this very forum.

There is hope.

[mjEnzo]

Hi Oak,
just jumping on this thread even though it's from several months back.
I'm new to support groups, so though I've gone to 2 in-person UA meetings and one by phone, I'm not feeling it.
Wondering if you or others have had similar experiences.

all best,
M