Help! Crabby, losing je ne sais quios

[oak]

Remember how, in the first Star Wars movie, Obi Wan and newbie Luke go into that bar? Soon enough two knuckleheads start badgering poor Luke for no reason. He apologizes, but that eggs on the fools to abuse Luke more.

Thwump thwump goes the lightsaber!

Before they know it, Obi Wan has coolly silenced their foolishness.

I used to be much more like Obi Wan. I would laugh or ignore much of the daily disrespect/annoyances that real-life knuckleheads would offer now and then.

A few months ago I started a new contingent job, which is going well. I am really struggling with the commute, particularly the daily insanity I see in incredibly foolish driving. Traffic is alienating and dehumanizing. I hate who the traffic is making me.

The result is that I am noticing that I am more crabby. It has not impacted my work life, but I am consistently testy with my family.

This is not a good trend.

Also, I have become very quick to judge other people. I never used to have these standards for people. Now I do. Thus, when someone doesn't meet my, uh, "standard" I see as Less Than. Who made me judge, and how I arrived at this criteria is undetermined.

Also, due to the season changing, I have gone from hiking about four times a week to once a week. Also not good.

I do get enough sleep and plenty of water.

There are starting to be consequences. I don't like where this is headed.

If you have any suggestions, wisdom, advice I'd be glad to hear it.

Specifically if they are concrete things I can do in the moment.

Thank you.

[weary]

I used to be much more like Obi Wan. I would laugh or ignore much of the daily disrespect/annoyances that real-life knuckleheads would offer now and then.

I don't want to get off on a nerd war with you, my friend, but I think what Obi Wan did in the cantina was the opposite of laugh or ignore. He ended the bullshit. Quickly.

In all seriousness... Be kind to yourself. You're working hard. You're tired. You're not where you want to be yet, and the frustration gets the better of you sometimes. You're aware of it, and you're working on it.

You've identified the traffic on your commute as a trigger, so try to defuse that specifically. I'm assuming that you're already listening to podcasts or something else on your drive, to make the most of it or be productive. If so, maybe switch it up - do you have a playlist of songs that make you happy, or soothe you, that you could listen to on your drive? Also, can you leave early enough to give yourself 2--5 minutes when you are done with your commute each morning and afternoon to just sit still and breathe (even if it's sitting in your car)? Maybe giving yourself that moment to decompress and transition will help you let go of the commuting stress.

Hope it gets better.

[kitkat]

It sounds natural that you would become slightly more crabby. You're going thru a change, which can of course be stressful on its own. Add traffic annoyances to that, and it sounds perfectly natural. No one is calm while in traffic. Plus, if you don't get to go on your hike anymore, you're not letting your stress out. Is there somewhere else you could excersize maybe? Even something at home could work. Maybe you just have too much energy bottled up!

And then, remember to cut yourself a break! You're working hard and doing a lot to better yourself. It's tough! But you've kept with it and are doing amazing. Give yourself some slack and remember that these things happen. You're awesome and I know you will get in to the swing of it. Just remember to take time for yourself to relax and excersize.

[oak]

Thanks weary and kitkat.

I have been applying your advice.

I have come to understand that traffic is one aspect of The Price of Admission for a good job in the big city.

I also realize that, just like "bad days", bad days of traffic will happen now and then, sometimes a few days in a row. However, the majority of the days are just fine!

This, along with my recent experiences volunteering, has made me ask hard questions of myself, particularly: "Will interacting with this fool get me closer to my goals?"

Usually the answer is "no". On the other hand, I have boundaries, a "line", transgressions of which (and this is usually my personal/physical space) I will defend myself.

I think traffic is part of being a grown up. It is dehumanizing, though.