Hi,
Can anyone point me to resources to help me learn to express my anger "well". I don't shout or demean, but I do kind of dump my anger which I know alienates people. I am expressing my anger clearly for the first time in my life (yay) but it's been a struggle to find balance.
Thanks for any help,
Heather
expressing anger-resourses
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Heatherwantspeace
- Posts: 365
- Joined: August 21st, 2018, 11:05 am
- Gender: F
- preferred pronoun: she
Re: expressing anger-resourses
This is a worthy goal!
I wish you the best. Keep us posted.
The book that helped me the most is called “getting past no” by William Ury.
It is about negotiating, but is really about communication.
For example, I chose to have a difficult conversation with my boss last week. The lessons from the book helped me focus on the four or five most important issues, and not emotionally fall for non essential topics/bait.
It is an easy read and you should be able to find it in your local library, or inter library loan.
There is much more I’d like to say, but I am on my phone.
Keep us posted!
I wish you the best. Keep us posted.
The book that helped me the most is called “getting past no” by William Ury.
It is about negotiating, but is really about communication.
For example, I chose to have a difficult conversation with my boss last week. The lessons from the book helped me focus on the four or five most important issues, and not emotionally fall for non essential topics/bait.
It is an easy read and you should be able to find it in your local library, or inter library loan.
There is much more I’d like to say, but I am on my phone.
Keep us posted!
Work is love made visible. -Kahlil Gibran
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
A person with a "why" can endure any "how". -Viktor Frankl
Which is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? -Skyrim
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snoringdog
- Posts: 1450
- Joined: April 23rd, 2019, 5:49 pm
- Gender: male
- Issues: anxiety, depression, automatic negative thoughts, intrusive thoughts, SAD.
- preferred pronoun: "Good Boy!"
- Location: USA
Re: expressing anger-resourses
Getting angry and dumping on someone comes after a time of buildup, right?
Several instances for me -
I get angry when there's something that needs to be done, and I'm trying to do it but get impeded along the way either by uncooperative people, or obstacles that keep popping up.
Or when I feel like I'm not being heard, but I have something important to say.
Sometimes it's hard to step back a bit to get a clearer view of the situation, especially when I'm emotionally invested in it for some reason.
Have you thought about what leads up to your getting angry? Any patterns? Sometimes it can contain misplaced frustrations from other sources too....
Several instances for me -
I get angry when there's something that needs to be done, and I'm trying to do it but get impeded along the way either by uncooperative people, or obstacles that keep popping up.
Or when I feel like I'm not being heard, but I have something important to say.
Sometimes it's hard to step back a bit to get a clearer view of the situation, especially when I'm emotionally invested in it for some reason.
Have you thought about what leads up to your getting angry? Any patterns? Sometimes it can contain misplaced frustrations from other sources too....
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Heatherwantspeace
- Posts: 365
- Joined: August 21st, 2018, 11:05 am
- Gender: F
- preferred pronoun: she
Re: expressing anger-resourses
Oak, I love the synchronicity on this! It was my latest conversation with my boss that made me think I need to do better. I was bringing up valid concerns and he was throwing back lies, half-truths and smokescreens. I got so angry and completely waylayed by my emotions. Sounds like this book will help. I'll track it down! Thank you!
Snoringdog, it's almost certainly triggers from childhood in situations where I feel powerless or not heard. The more I work on my sh*t, the better it will get. There seems to be something in babyhood beyond the neglect and sexual abuse that's lingering...a memory that will likely come in the form of sense/feeling as it's preverbal. I've asked my abuser, who is quite elderly at this point, to please just come clean and help me get better. He popped up with some info unexpectedly last year so I think a part of him wants to confess, but I'm guessing it's something pretty bad so I can see why he doesn't want to tell me or possibly even think about it.
Thanks for the response and advice! It's great to be heard.
Heather
Snoringdog, it's almost certainly triggers from childhood in situations where I feel powerless or not heard. The more I work on my sh*t, the better it will get. There seems to be something in babyhood beyond the neglect and sexual abuse that's lingering...a memory that will likely come in the form of sense/feeling as it's preverbal. I've asked my abuser, who is quite elderly at this point, to please just come clean and help me get better. He popped up with some info unexpectedly last year so I think a part of him wants to confess, but I'm guessing it's something pretty bad so I can see why he doesn't want to tell me or possibly even think about it.
Thanks for the response and advice! It's great to be heard.
Heather