I'm having a real tough time and I don't know what to do really.
A couple days ago I got back from my first in-person time spent with my long distance girlfriend. We planned two weeks to spend in Canada together and the two weeks are over and I'm back home and back to work and I feel so stuck. We can still talk online and everything but I don't get to SEE/touch/be with her until next year, maybe, when we planned for me to visit her in Europe (hopefully).
And I just started looking at prices for round trip flights to where she lives and I'm going to cry because it's so expensive.
I miss her already and I feel like a jackass because I didn't even really kiss or DO anything with her because I'm so nervous about all of that. I mean, first time I get to see and be with her in a year of talking and everything and I didn't even kiss her.
Does that ~mean~ I can't be in a relationship with her if I didn't kiss her? We snuggled a lot and I KNOW I still love her and have these feelings for her.
I don't know what I'm saying but I just want to rewind back a week when I was there with her, freeze time and stay there because I don't want to do anything else. I don't want any of my other responsibilities.
long distance
Re: long distance
Hey ifelldown,
I read your post a couple of days ago and I've been thinking about it ever since. I really relate to what you're going through. I've been in a long distance relationship for 6 years. In those years I've read hundreds of books, articles, blogs, etc. about long distance relationships. What I've learned from all that "research" is that long distance relationships are really hard, even under the best of circumstances. Feeling awful and disconnected from your regular life after a visit ends is something I've experienced many times, and from all my reading, something most people experience at some point in long distance relationships. It's difficult even when the distance or time apart is not so great, and when you have a definite end to the long distance aspect planned. My situation is like yours in that we're very far apart geographically, the possible frequency of visits is now down to about once a year, and we have financial and family issues that keep either of us from planning to relocate for possibly years to come. I don't have any great words of wisdom, just please be as kind to yourself as you can right now. Maybe talk to your girlfriend about your regrets about the visit, and especially reach out to anyone around you who is a good listener that you can spend time with where you live. It can get lonely and isolating when your thoughts are often thousands of miles away from your day to day life, and I think it's important to have support from people you can actually spend time with, no matter how things are going with your long distance relationship. It's good to have someone you trust (friend, therapist, support group, anyone) to listen and give you feedback. That way whether your long distance relationship works out or not, you won't feel so alone. Best wishes to you, and please post more on the forum if you feel up to it. Take care ifelldown, rivergirl
I read your post a couple of days ago and I've been thinking about it ever since. I really relate to what you're going through. I've been in a long distance relationship for 6 years. In those years I've read hundreds of books, articles, blogs, etc. about long distance relationships. What I've learned from all that "research" is that long distance relationships are really hard, even under the best of circumstances. Feeling awful and disconnected from your regular life after a visit ends is something I've experienced many times, and from all my reading, something most people experience at some point in long distance relationships. It's difficult even when the distance or time apart is not so great, and when you have a definite end to the long distance aspect planned. My situation is like yours in that we're very far apart geographically, the possible frequency of visits is now down to about once a year, and we have financial and family issues that keep either of us from planning to relocate for possibly years to come. I don't have any great words of wisdom, just please be as kind to yourself as you can right now. Maybe talk to your girlfriend about your regrets about the visit, and especially reach out to anyone around you who is a good listener that you can spend time with where you live. It can get lonely and isolating when your thoughts are often thousands of miles away from your day to day life, and I think it's important to have support from people you can actually spend time with, no matter how things are going with your long distance relationship. It's good to have someone you trust (friend, therapist, support group, anyone) to listen and give you feedback. That way whether your long distance relationship works out or not, you won't feel so alone. Best wishes to you, and please post more on the forum if you feel up to it. Take care ifelldown, rivergirl
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ifelldown
- Posts: 17
- Joined: March 3rd, 2014, 3:31 am
- Gender: Female
- Issues: depression, anxiety, overeating
- preferred pronoun: she
- Location: United States
Re: long distance
rivergirl --
thank you so much for your response. it's nice to hear from other people in similar situations. my therapist reminds me often that i am not the first person to feel this way but sometimes i just get this idea that nobody else could POSSIBLY understand. so, thank you for sharing.
my girlfriend is currently away visiting family (in an area with no internet, go figure) but when she gets back, i definitely want to sort of talk about what happened/didn't happen and see how she's feeling.
i also have a friend at work who has been sort of nudging me to make plans to spend time together, and i think that being in somebody's company like that is really good for me. i'm used to being by myself most of the time, so it is hard getting to the stage where i feel comfortable asking other people to be with me or listen/talk to me if i need it.
thanks
thank you so much for your response. it's nice to hear from other people in similar situations. my therapist reminds me often that i am not the first person to feel this way but sometimes i just get this idea that nobody else could POSSIBLY understand. so, thank you for sharing.
my girlfriend is currently away visiting family (in an area with no internet, go figure) but when she gets back, i definitely want to sort of talk about what happened/didn't happen and see how she's feeling.
i also have a friend at work who has been sort of nudging me to make plans to spend time together, and i think that being in somebody's company like that is really good for me. i'm used to being by myself most of the time, so it is hard getting to the stage where i feel comfortable asking other people to be with me or listen/talk to me if i need it.
thanks
Re: long distance
I'm glad if my post helped a little bit. I was afraid I came across like I have it all figured out ... in reality some days I feel pretty good and others I feel like I haven't a fucking clue how to get through my relationship or the rest of my life! I'm also more comfortable being alone, especially when I'm down and really missing my boyfriend, but I find when I can push myself to connect with a friend it helps a lot. I'm not currently in therapy or a support group, but have been in the past and also found those really helpful. I hope you're able to do some things like continuing to see your therapist, talking to your girlfriend, and getting together with your coworker that make you feel better.