A letter to my inner self

[motormom]

I wrote this when I first started doing serious therapy. It was so liberating and so scary at the same time.

Dear Inner Self,

It’s been forever since I wrote to you even though we’ve been together so often now. The fact that you’re around more makes me feel… well, ambivalent. See, on the one hand, when you’re with me you give me the impression that I am good enough, that life will find its way of sorting itself out and it’s not all doom and gloom. Even more, you open my eyes so that I can perceive what’s around me in a real way and not just through the lenses of my addled brain. On the other hand you scare me terribly. When I get triggered and I get angry you come in and make me want to cry instead, to be vulnerable. You want me to break down the fortress I so carefully built to protect myself.

I may have invited you once or twice in the past and maybe more often in the recent past but it doesn’t mean you can move in yet. I’m still hanging out with my other self – you know, the one that makes me feel volatile and unpredictable. The judgmental, critical, self-loathing self; comes in like a storm, loud and frightening, but at least I know what to expect. You – I’m not sure what you’re all about and how to react to you.

I hope that one day we might become intimate friends but for now, honestly, I want to keep you at a safe distance. Please, wait for your invitation. I’m sure you understand.

Sincerely,

Your automatic self.[/color]

[manuel_moe_g]

This is great writing, motormom.