Troebia's Diary

[snoringdog]

"Our lives are meaningless and will remain so.

Maybe if Camus could have seen this book -

"It's OK Not To Look For The Meaning of Life" by Zen monk Jikisai Minami.

(Basically, If you have it, great, but no need to sweat it...)

[manuel_moe_g]

Ugh, i wish i could take over the forum, but the crappy thing is that this forum is technically a legal liability

The proper thing to do is set up an LLC and have the forum work under those auspices, but, woof, a lot of work, and ongoing work

And it is exactly the topics that make this forum better than Discord that are legal liabilities, but that is the burden of doing anything in the US of A

Paul’s web guy is severely lacking, to put it mildly, he is the one who allowed years of emails to get dropped, and this forum is of even lower priority

Not only spam filter crumminess, but also forum software out of date

[troebia]

Not only spam filter crumminess, but also forum software out of date

It's such a strange space. In a fraction of a second this forum could be sucked into a black hole. At least a few of us have some of the others' emails.

Over here, I'm taking a break from alcohol. It's been a few days but I only notice more irritability and maybe slightly better digestion. No abstinence, just knowing that a shot of whisky would feel better than reaching for the Xanax whenever I get a spike of anxiety.

[troebia]

"It's OK Not To Look For The Meaning of Life" by Zen monk Jikisai Minami.

I couldn't find that book shared online anywhere and my cap for disposable spending this month was reached the other day. We went to a very nice fish restaurant at the beach last week... everything has gotten so expensive the last couple of years.

Lately I've been reading "The laws of human nature" by Robert Greene and I think his analyses of human interaction are spot on but also a bit cruel and depressing.

Wife has invited some old work colleagues and their partners for potluck dinner soon and I was doing a mental rundown of them: one of them can talk forever without listening, another always brags about stuff like their new car or some recent trip to Asia. A couple of the others seem to be limited to work-related discussion. Another couple is obsessed about their grandchild. I can definitely not throw something like "What the fuck is life really about?" at any of them.

I happened to start a conversation with a woman in the US who likes art, on Reddit after I made a shoutout there for collective 60+ support conversation and maybe also art. Her emails were on the level of "this is what I had for breakfast today" but I persevered since she seemed to be interested in drawing and painting. I then realised she wouldn't be interested in any anxiety/depression stuff or video calls. So it fizzled out. I got some other answers to my post but Reddit may not be the best place to look... some really kooky people there.

On an art-related Discord I joined recently I made a suggestion to doodle together (but not mentioning anything about mutual mental support) and a couple of people liked the idea. We simply draw with a camera on our desktops. Mostly young people with younger issues. Maybe some other old fart will drop in some time. I haven't been to the urban sketching meetups lately.

[troebia]

The dinner party went well but I drank way too much and felt sick the whole next day. That's what happens when you stop drinking and suddenly flush down all the food with beer and wine, I guess.

The grove is looking decent and there aren't any immediate pests or other serious problems. After having solved a couple of home repair emergencies I have been able to relax somewhat. I now often find a quiet spot and just sit still and stare blankly at nothing. Somehow it's weirdly privileged. I don't seem to have any further purpose in life and it feels fine.

I like the little chat and sketching sessions on the obscure Discord server I joined. There's a 30ish Polish guy that does awesome fresh colorful illustrations and he seems very real and level-headed. It crosses my mind that I would have liked to have been more like him.

More people we know of our age have died of illness and it's all starting to feel like russian roulette. This last woman in her sixties, sudden brain bleed and that was that. Good way to go, was my first thought.

[snoringdog]

Following with interest.

Weirdly privileged indeed. Its like the take from the book I mentioned. Striving for meaning can be a fool’s errand if it stresses you out to the extreme.

I raised and released 12 Monarchs, placed an errant earthworm in some nice soil, and waved up into the air a hundred drosophila (sp?) before dumping the next load of compost in the bin. That counts for something, right? (Not neglecting Gaza and the general public good with various meager donations of course).

( I often think how easy it is if you’re a monk in a temple or a Tolle with supporting groupies to wax poetic about meaning and purpose and how to pass your time.)

Berries etc in the fridge, going moldy. I think of all the energy it takes to bring them here, and all the human toil and and angst that surrounds their production at the moment…

Banged this out at the bar after a 26 oz, IPA, but what the hell This is where I live.

Friends are currently dealing with cancer, Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s. I’m healthy and feeling good just now, but wondering what the next card will be…

[troebia]

That counts for something, right?

It remains to be seen, as for us all. Anyhow I relate to and admire your personal initiatives.
There are days I'd like to not be here anymore because every surprise is a downer. Then occasionally I'll notice something in the vegetable garden that is doing well, or maybe just a splendid sunset, and it seems worth it.

[troebia]

Hello,
You have reached the end of the mentalpodforum.com.
Good bye.

[snoringdog]

Hello Troebia,

You have reached the end of the mentalpodforum.com.

Is that like reaching the end of the Internet?

http://endofthenet.net/

[Mental Fairy]

You still there Trobia?