Say What?: The Journal of HoboJungle by HoboJungle

[hobojungle]

It's none of my business who wants children. That's my codependence talking. It's pretty evident I was medicating my anxiety with weed. It's back now that I stopped smoking. I made an appt with my shrink for tomorrow. Living with undiagnosed autism has taken its toll.

[hobojungle]

Finished reading Escape From Intimacy yesterday. It makes a lot of sense to me as far as explaining how our society supports addiction & how that relates to our relationships.

Realizing the futility of pursuing a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder. My priorities are sleep, hydrate, eat, & make $. In that order. Saw my shrink. We upped my buspirone from 20 to 30 mgs/day. My anxiety feels manageable again.

Work is ok, sometimes even peaceful. I still dread it though. Took a step back from reading How to be an Illustrator. I just need to turn my brain off. I'm more tolerant of my weaknesses since researching the ASD.

[hobojungle]

Feeling good today. Read 5 pgs of How to be an Illustrator & did a scant amt of cleaning. The craft store pushed my shift back to 3pm-8 from noon to 5pm. They canceled my Monday shift. It's a #s game. Beyond that, I am not the best of their temp seasonal employees. Partly due to my slow to warm personality & then my general lack of in depth sewing knowledge. Plus I've been avoiding learning the register. People are exhausting.

Trying to quit weed again. Last time I lasted 5 days. It's good to try, even when I fail. What else can one do? It's not that my weed habit is outrageous, but I am too poor to justify it for now.

Paying more attention to spirituality in the form of researching paganism & also taking time/energy for self-care.

[hobojungle]

Feeling inspired today.

I am concentrating on building an illustration routine: time mgmt, discipline, organization, etc.

Still smoking weed.

Shockingly.

Created a shrine today.

It's a work in progress.

Also, I dreamed I owned my own spaceship this morning.

Greetings Earthlings.

[rivergirl]

Greetings Hobo,
It's good to see you posting again. I'd like to hear more about your shrine ...

rivergirl

[hobojungle]

My shrine is a collection of sacred objects.

Went to Coda & shared for the first time.

It helped me realize a little better exactly where I am in the journey from where I'd like to be.

I want to be in a place where I can state my reality without becoming an offender.

It also helped me realize that Coda may not be the place for me.

I have been on the verge of trying SLAA instead.

In addition to my primary mental illness support group.

I am making good enough progress in a positive direction.

[rivergirl]

Good to hear you're continuing to make progress, Hobo.

What is it about Coda that doesn't feel like a good fit for you? And what's your primary support group, if you don't mind my asking?

rivergirl

[HowDidIGetHere]

Interesting about CODA vs SLAA. I actually had a similar experience with Al-Anon. I found that they weren't quite getting the level of insanity I was experiencing in my relationships through the lens of codependency. Once I went to SLAA, though, I definitely felt like I was among people who truly "got it."

If you've got the option, I'd say give it a shot. It's pretty magical to say something you think is totally off the wall and have a room full of strangers nod and say "me too."

[hobojungle]

I'm triggered & feeling overwhelmed by negative emotion. Life is a struggle at best. I am working on examining my automatic thoughts so I can reprogram my brain to observe mindfully w/o judgment. I lost my support group due to my own geographical relocation. Reading about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Dummies is helping. Coloring in colorbooks is helping. Hanging out with a pride of housecats is helping. Access to nature, meditation, good food, sleep, & medication are helping. I am working toward becoming self-employed, applying my knowledges/interests. This will take time. There are benefits/drawbacks to every situation.

Okbye.

[Beany Boo]

Hey Hobojungle.

I'm happy to hear from you.

Sorry to read that you're struggling.