I miss things.
Im glad you got to do things.
Things are good...
Dear Exposure
-
Imissmysun
- Posts: 282
- Joined: June 29th, 2016, 5:44 am
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Anxiety, Depression, past trauma healing,
- preferred pronoun: she
- Location: Central New York
Re: Dear Exposure
Just another messed up chick, who hates her body and face, and voice, and thinks she is useless and her stuff isn't that bad and she should get over it.
-Sarah St. Lunatic
-Sarah St. Lunatic
-
Beany Boo
- Posts: 2565
- Joined: June 13th, 2016, 3:18 am
- Gender: Not-quite-cis-male
- Issues: Risk averse, conversation difficulty, relationship difficulty
- preferred pronoun: He/him
Re: Dear Exposure
Today I learnt:
The air's safety no longer belongs to you. I breathe it freely, and you can't stop it; or me
Today I am grateful:
That you're not in control of my food's security anymore. No more protecting the grown ups from their own mortifying urges, on an empty stomach
Today I need:
Love to not be simply me filling you up just so you can face your boss' secret whim every day
Today I forgive:
Me, for erasing myself from your accomplishments, just to stop seeing you hideously up close. My work is valuable. You can go.
The air's safety no longer belongs to you. I breathe it freely, and you can't stop it; or me
Today I am grateful:
That you're not in control of my food's security anymore. No more protecting the grown ups from their own mortifying urges, on an empty stomach
Today I need:
Love to not be simply me filling you up just so you can face your boss' secret whim every day
Today I forgive:
Me, for erasing myself from your accomplishments, just to stop seeing you hideously up close. My work is valuable. You can go.
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
-
Beany Boo
- Posts: 2565
- Joined: June 13th, 2016, 3:18 am
- Gender: Not-quite-cis-male
- Issues: Risk averse, conversation difficulty, relationship difficulty
- preferred pronoun: He/him
Re: Dear Exposure
Today I learnt:
That I take up space; and I affect others. They go away carrying thoughts about me in their mind. Those thoughts are out of my control. That is just me, living on the edge.
Today I am grateful:
I don't have to suck up to anyone, anymore; not even my parents; the ones who taught me how. I can emotionally need directly and in a timely fashion.
Today I need:
To be visible and not die from that; from people looking at me with open curious faces, as I stand there breathing
Today I forgive:
People who don't have time. Well, I don't have words, so... I will show you anger without waiting for permission; that never comes anyway
That I take up space; and I affect others. They go away carrying thoughts about me in their mind. Those thoughts are out of my control. That is just me, living on the edge.
Today I am grateful:
I don't have to suck up to anyone, anymore; not even my parents; the ones who taught me how. I can emotionally need directly and in a timely fashion.
Today I need:
To be visible and not die from that; from people looking at me with open curious faces, as I stand there breathing
Today I forgive:
People who don't have time. Well, I don't have words, so... I will show you anger without waiting for permission; that never comes anyway
Last edited by Beany Boo on July 11th, 2016, 2:03 am, edited 14 times in total.
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
-
Beany Boo
- Posts: 2565
- Joined: June 13th, 2016, 3:18 am
- Gender: Not-quite-cis-male
- Issues: Risk averse, conversation difficulty, relationship difficulty
- preferred pronoun: He/him
Re: Dear Exposure
Today I learnt:
There are those fully capable of bearing, and hungry for the full weight of, the terrible burden that I am; if only I'd consent to their existing, then approaching, and then speaking
Today I am grateful:
I don't have to wait anymore, until I am perfect before I show some person, equally in need, right now, my freakish gifts
Today I need:
My pain to come out in words I don't yet know I will to say to people I don't yet realise are going to be listening, whose responses they don't yet understand celebrate my blossoming emotions
Today I forgive:
Isolation. I don't know where you came from. I don't hate you. I just think I should see other people.
There are those fully capable of bearing, and hungry for the full weight of, the terrible burden that I am; if only I'd consent to their existing, then approaching, and then speaking
Today I am grateful:
I don't have to wait anymore, until I am perfect before I show some person, equally in need, right now, my freakish gifts
Today I need:
My pain to come out in words I don't yet know I will to say to people I don't yet realise are going to be listening, whose responses they don't yet understand celebrate my blossoming emotions
Today I forgive:
Isolation. I don't know where you came from. I don't hate you. I just think I should see other people.
Last edited by Beany Boo on July 12th, 2016, 12:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
-
Imissmysun
- Posts: 282
- Joined: June 29th, 2016, 5:44 am
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Anxiety, Depression, past trauma healing,
- preferred pronoun: she
- Location: Central New York
Re: Dear Exposure
Beany your posts are so poetic and funny and charming and witty,
They come from such a sincere and reverent place - I really enjoy them - and your conversation with isolation? Brilliant because I need to remind myself of that as well...
I box myself up and wonder why no one is looking for me - Hello you are playing hide and seek by yourself sunshine-
Anyway - you are such an inspiration - your progress and your thoughtfulness and your responses are like a breath of fresh air -
Thank you
They come from such a sincere and reverent place - I really enjoy them - and your conversation with isolation? Brilliant because I need to remind myself of that as well...
I box myself up and wonder why no one is looking for me - Hello you are playing hide and seek by yourself sunshine-
Anyway - you are such an inspiration - your progress and your thoughtfulness and your responses are like a breath of fresh air -
Thank you
Just another messed up chick, who hates her body and face, and voice, and thinks she is useless and her stuff isn't that bad and she should get over it.
-Sarah St. Lunatic
-Sarah St. Lunatic
-
Beany Boo
- Posts: 2565
- Joined: June 13th, 2016, 3:18 am
- Gender: Not-quite-cis-male
- Issues: Risk averse, conversation difficulty, relationship difficulty
- preferred pronoun: He/him
Re: Dear Exposure
Imissmysun,
Good morning
You are welcome. Thank you for your kind, sincere words.
Good morning
You are welcome. Thank you for your kind, sincere words.
Last edited by Beany Boo on July 11th, 2016, 11:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
-
Beany Boo
- Posts: 2565
- Joined: June 13th, 2016, 3:18 am
- Gender: Not-quite-cis-male
- Issues: Risk averse, conversation difficulty, relationship difficulty
- preferred pronoun: He/him
Re: Dear Exposure
Today I learnt:
To have my sexuality on when I leave the house; or keep it on, that is. The one I can't help but feel. And, until now, have only expressed in - beautiful - secret.
Today I am grateful:
I can withdraw to a safe distance and it's not the end of the relationship. It's not even the end of a conversation.
Today I need:
To share the things that are more precious to me than life. Share them with people who I've already negotiated with to give those things back when I ask
Today I forgive:
The losses: the years, the money, the relationships, the achievements, the rights.
It's not over.
To have my sexuality on when I leave the house; or keep it on, that is. The one I can't help but feel. And, until now, have only expressed in - beautiful - secret.
Today I am grateful:
I can withdraw to a safe distance and it's not the end of the relationship. It's not even the end of a conversation.
Today I need:
To share the things that are more precious to me than life. Share them with people who I've already negotiated with to give those things back when I ask
Today I forgive:
The losses: the years, the money, the relationships, the achievements, the rights.
It's not over.
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
-
Beany Boo
- Posts: 2565
- Joined: June 13th, 2016, 3:18 am
- Gender: Not-quite-cis-male
- Issues: Risk averse, conversation difficulty, relationship difficulty
- preferred pronoun: He/him
Re: Dear Exposure
Today I learnt:
I just want to be a part of the story. I don't care which part. Just that I am; am not just looking on
Today I am grateful:
I can remember people's names. Soon I'll have the courage to say them, in my own voice, when I see them approaching.
Today I need:
To fall down hard then with an undignified struggle, get up, on the worst day of my life; and never hide you from seeing that. That way, when it comes, you can do it too.
Today I forgive:
People who barely know I'm there at all. I wish I could help you.
I just want to be a part of the story. I don't care which part. Just that I am; am not just looking on
Today I am grateful:
I can remember people's names. Soon I'll have the courage to say them, in my own voice, when I see them approaching.
Today I need:
To fall down hard then with an undignified struggle, get up, on the worst day of my life; and never hide you from seeing that. That way, when it comes, you can do it too.
Today I forgive:
People who barely know I'm there at all. I wish I could help you.
Last edited by Beany Boo on July 13th, 2016, 2:54 am, edited 8 times in total.
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
-
Beany Boo
- Posts: 2565
- Joined: June 13th, 2016, 3:18 am
- Gender: Not-quite-cis-male
- Issues: Risk averse, conversation difficulty, relationship difficulty
- preferred pronoun: He/him
Re: Dear Exposure
Today I learnt:
To say nothing; while you wait; needing for me to speak.
Today I am grateful:
That you inspire feelings that weren't allowed to me as a child. Uncomfortable feelings because you're not punishing me for them.
Today I need:
Less. And the world stays in place everywhere; without me willing it to
Today I forgive:
You all for being separate people. I can be a separate person too. If that's what it takes to connect
To say nothing; while you wait; needing for me to speak.
Today I am grateful:
That you inspire feelings that weren't allowed to me as a child. Uncomfortable feelings because you're not punishing me for them.
Today I need:
Less. And the world stays in place everywhere; without me willing it to
Today I forgive:
You all for being separate people. I can be a separate person too. If that's what it takes to connect
Mr (blue) B. Boo
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
‘Out of nowhere the mind comes forth.’ - Zen koan
‘Let go or be dragged.’ - Zen proverb
‘Knowing how to yield is strength.’ - Laozi
-
Imissmysun
- Posts: 282
- Joined: June 29th, 2016, 5:44 am
- Gender: Female
- Issues: Anxiety, Depression, past trauma healing,
- preferred pronoun: she
- Location: Central New York
Re: Dear Exposure
I am in awe and true marvel at your prolific ability to keep this format -
I think that I would have maybe one or two days -
But also jeesh its a poetic book you are wring here -
Keep a hard copy - it needs to be seen -
I think that I would have maybe one or two days -
But also jeesh its a poetic book you are wring here -
Keep a hard copy - it needs to be seen -
Just another messed up chick, who hates her body and face, and voice, and thinks she is useless and her stuff isn't that bad and she should get over it.
-Sarah St. Lunatic
-Sarah St. Lunatic