Troebia's Diary

[snoringdog]

Hello Troebia,

The only sincere smile I saw today was from the cashier at the supermarket.

Yes, when possible I avoid the scanning machines and go to the cashiers and tell them that I'm glad they're there.

Sometimes make a joke that they "won't fight me like the machines often do", and that the machines don't smile, either.
This usually gets a pleasant reaction, and agreement about the scanners.

[snoringdog]

And then there are several other social apps that have a tiny corner with art people but it's all buried under a thick layer of makeup hauls, fail videos of people hurting themselves or jokes.

Hmm, which platforms are those? (I hear you about all the rest. ).

Have you asked any of the other artists about the on-line situation? Others must be wondering about it too.

There are some rare examples of artists as myself who are also without outstanding talent that just go for it on their own website or Tumblr or whatever, without any feedback, and slowly after a couple of years gather a small audience.

Count me as an audience member if you decide to give it a go.

starting in an empty room is intimidating and I've already tried and failed at that.

A lot of writers hate the blank page too...

And what did you try, if you don't mind me asking?

[troebia]

Yes, when possible I avoid the scanning machines and go to the cashiers and tell them that I'm glad they're there.

Here in Spain, even if you do use the self-scan there will always be some kind of problem and the friendly staff will need to help you out. In the UK however, they will be annoyed if you don't automatically know exactly what to do. People in Spain (and I suppose all around the Mediterranean Sea) are simply wired for social interaction, and it's usually a good thing since you'll only be alone if you want to.

A lot of writers hate the blank page too...
And what did you try, if you don't mind me asking?

I made my own website and started to post my drawings, and also short illustrated stories about regrets and past traumas. It was very therapeutic to get it out but I fizzled out after around twenty posts. Explaining graphic art is also a bit like killing the experience for the viewer. I started to ramble about everyday stuff instead together with the drawings, but it was like talking to yourself in an empty room where occasionally some kid or some scammer would pop in their head.

[troebia]

Doing some experiments with acrylic paints and rollers. It's a bit like being high in an unreal fantasy because the colors come out so bright. I would like to take shrooms some day.

IMG_20241026_140438.jpg (152.06 KiB) Viewed 1717 times

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow, you captured the <shape> of a forest

You are amazing

[Mental Fairy]

That I beautiful.

I’m a huge fan of your work. Something I admire about you.

[troebia]

Thank you for your kind encouragement, it means a lot to me.

I am in a horrible state right now. There's an outward me who is keeping up the appearances and keeping a straight face, doing the housework, tending the grove, fixing stuff, going to Italian class. The olives must now be harvested and it means two or three days of backbreaking work. I will need the help of my wife, which is going to be complicated since the whims of MIL always intensify as soon as there's something going on that takes her out of the constant spotlight of attention.

On the inside I am withering away. There is no joy in anything I do anymore, and I feel mentally controlled by my partner to always be busy with something she considers "useful". For example, I can't show her almost anything I draw or paint because there will inevitably be a frown or a look of incomprehension. Only the most plain sketches of landscapes are considered "safe". I have nobody to share my inner thoughts with because any hint of it that may escape me is shooed away by my wife as "weird" or "sick". It's like with the sex we have (or rather don't have): no fantasy, no dress, no play, no toys.

I'll be looking enviously at a tree or a lizard scurrying around and meditate on how they all just exist, complete in themselves: Lao Tzu said "Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished". I am pulling weeds and keeping pests under control, but more and more I am allowing everything to coexist in each garden bed. Garlic stalks are popping up by themselves all over, and instead of tearing them out I transplant them carefully to a new place where they can thrive. There has finally been some rain, and it seems that the communal well will be safe for the near future.

I can't see a future right now. There are no immediate financial or health concerns but I feel like a zombie.

[troebia]

I have begun a purge of my old sketchbooks, selecting a few drawings for posting and planning to burn the rest. It's radical but necessary to put some things behind me. There are no masterpieces hidden away in them, it's mainly mindless doodling and experiments with ink and different mediums.

There has been a major weather disaster just south of Valencia (I live north of the city) with flash floods destroying whole villages and neighbourhoods, drowning what's thought to be over a hundred people. You've probably seen it on the news. Here at home we luckily only had light rain with strong gusts of wind that broke some glass. Stories of people having lost their loved ones make my health issues seem trivial.

Here's an example of what is going into the fire, no loss at all:

IMG_20241030_201312.jpg (181.4 KiB) Viewed 1644 times

[snoringdog]

Hello Troebia,

I'm sorry that you're having such a tough time at home. It sounds awful, and your wife and MIL are being ridiculous.

I do like your art too, even the non-serious doodling as you call it. I see a blue horse in that last one! Anyone else see it?

Just read about Valencia. That's terrifying. Is it rivers overflowing or the topography?

[troebia]

Is it rivers overflowing or the topography?

It was simply a massive amount of sudden rainfall some distance from the coast, and the water flowed toward the sea taking the lowest route through valleys and dried up river beds, rising rapidly like a tsunami washing everything with it. Then on the plains near the sea the water covered the whole ground and people who were caught outside had to get up on the roofs of trucks and buildings. There were also some tornados.

It's a well-known phenomenon which occurs when pockets of cold polar air at high altitude runs into the lower, hotter and more humid air above the Mediterranean. The meteorologists had predicted severe rainfall but the official warning (every mobile phone squealed and displayed a message) was issued too late. The local conservative government first downplayed the seriousness of the situation, especially since they had retired funding from flood prevention last year and spent more on bullfighting events instead. I wish heads will roll.