Visit cancelled

[rivergirl]

I've written about my sister and her husband before. Basically she died almost two years ago due to opiate and other addictions. Her husband still abuses opiates/alcohol. He remarried pretty quickly after my sister's death. Today & tomorrow he was supposed to be visiting from out of state with his new wife and I took time off work planning to see them. It would have been the first time I'd seen him since my sister's death. After I left work I found out from another relative of his that they aren't even here since they cancelled the trip.

I'm having trouble understanding why, given his track record, I'm feeling so devastated this afternoon. Maybe I thought seeing him would bring some closure about my sister's death. Just feeling a lot of grief and despair right now.

[snoringdog]

Hello Rivergirl,

New on the boards here.

I'm sorry to hear about this. I guess we all assume & hope for the best in others, and hope for change even if only as a subconscious thing. It seems to take a lot to totally write someone off...

Just as we hope for a second chance when we 'fail'... we extend that to others....?

[brownblob]

Sorry that they didn't come. I think the devastation is a continuation of grieving your sister. Also, it can be devastating when something is important to us and somebody else just blows it off.

[rivergirl]

Thank you snoringdog & brownblob. I couldn't mention this to anyone else in my family as they are still too angry/hurt from previous events to want to even know if my brother-in-law visits. It helps a little to be able to express how I feel and I really appreciate your acknowledgments.

I think it was a subconscious wish that my brother-in-law had changed (which I know isn't true given the reports I've heard of his current drug & alcohol abuse) and maybe even a wish to go back and help my sister before her life ended. And definitely the main feeling is continued grieving.

[oak]

I am sorry you are suffering so, RG.

Grief is work.

Part of me, like 5% is also offended that they weren't considerate of you taking a day off. That is a real pain in the butt! Now you have play catch up when you get back

Hang in there. You have lots of people supporting you. Be sure to do self care, especially if you don't feel like it. Feel the grief. Do the work.

[rivergirl]

Thanks for your reply, oak.

I guess this was just one of those weeks when things pile up a bit. I also had laryngitis earlier in the week, my entire agency moved floors at work, and my other sister is barely out of an outpatient mental health program, but now back in the hospital again tonight.

I'm feeling guilty that I haven't been involved with my sister much at all over this past year, but I feel like I'm a swimmer who is already partially carrying my mom, and if I try to carry my sister as well, I'll drown.

Anyway, thank you again for the kind words.