A "New" Condition

[Peanut]

I was wondering if perhaps a new "condition" could be added here. I don't know what to call it....perhaps Champions of Suicide or something like that. What I am searching for is to talk with others who have survived a suicide attempt on themselves. Searching for Suicide Survivors usually brings up groups for families that are grieving the loss of a loved one to suicide. I have attempted suicide twice and have been involuntarily once for "self harm", which was an attempt at cutting to see if I was actually brave enough to slit my wrists. I have a bleeding disorder, and I knew if I could muster up the courage to actually do it, I would bleed out quite quickly. I confided in a friend who called the police who then put me into a psychiatric hospital for 72 hours, even though I was not physically hurt. I tried to cut, but the knife was too dull to actually cut my skin.
But my last suicide attempt is traumatic for me. And I realized, that there may be others who may want to talk through the trauma of their own attempts at taking their lives. I am on medication and being monitored by a Psychiatrist, I see a Counselor once a week, but there is so much trauma in my life to review with her that bringing this up, is just yet one more trauma that I am still hurting over. I also attend DBT Therapy once a week for my BPD. That is not the place to discuss this type of trauma. In fact we are encouraged to not discuss it, in an effort to not trigger another group member.

I survived! I am proud that I am getting help! I am GRATEFUL! Yet I feel this longing to discuss it, bring it out into the open. I overcame suicide! Admittedly, the first thought that came to my mind once I was conscious again, was "I've failed again", but now, I'm surviving. I think there may be others who are Overcomers of Suicide who may want to tell their stories. But there isn't a section for it. I don't know where to go to talk about it.

Thank you to anyone who has read this. I hope it makes sense. I did find out yesterday, that my time with my Counselor is limited, and that I will soon be transferred to a DBT Specialist who will take my counselors place, to go along with my DBT skills training.

This is just a suggestion. Is suicide too triggering to have it's specific topic?

I welcome your thoughts and comments.

If you have also Overcome Suicide and are proud of how you are now living your life and striving to heal, I send you big hugs and high fives!

[brownblob]

Surviving suicide can be traumatic. It is one of those things you can't talk about. I'm glad to hear you are trying to heal. For me, my first attempt was the most traumatic even though it did no damage. It felt like my brain just shattered and I spent hours crying. I feel like some parts of my brain shut down that day. My other attempts, the feelings were a combination of feeling indestructible and regretting my failure.

[Kismet]

I am so glad you survived. My best friend died from suicide and I have missed him for 26 years. I have schizoid PD and have not made a good friend since (although I don't really care to). Anyway, when he died he filled the funeral home service standing room only. There will never be anyone like him, and there will never be anyone else like you so keep up the good work to stay here. You never know whose life you are touching.

[Imissmysun]

You are AMAZING!

You are spun GOLD from hay

You are LIGHT

I am so proud of you for getting help and allowing yourself to see that you have worth... You are worthy... You have meaning -

I never actually did it - I was a coward - I couldn't follow through with it - I just stared at the pill bottles held them in my hand and cried - I didn't even open the bottles - I couldn't - but I know that pain and numbness and desparation that leads to those thoughts...

I'm glad you did not complete your task - there is a reason you are here - the light cannot know it is light without darkness

[HowDidIGetHere]

I actually think this would be a great addition, even if it has to be stashed away somewhere that it won't trigger others. This is actually something that I really struggle with, even though I've never actually made a serious attempt myself (more just the "cry for help/I can't keep feeling this way" kind). In fact, I really identify with the feeling of being weak and a coward for not being able to go through with it. I can only imagine what it would feel like to have finally crossed that huge line between thought and action and still waking up the next day.

It's funny. I used to be so harsh and judgemental of people who committed suicide (and I've known many). I would resent them and call them selfish. But ever since I've gotten a firsthand taste of it, I can't ever judge another's decision on this. I still think alive is better than not alive, but I definitely see that it can be a moment-by-moment choice sometimes.

Thanks for at least posing the question.