Losing my therapist and freaking out?

[MarkS]

Because I can't afford a professional therapist (even with insurance) I've been using the local university's practicum clinic. I've been seeing a PhD candidate for the past couple of years and, honestly, he's the first therapist I've ever been able to really open-up with. Overall, it's been a great experience. He's kept me alive, anyway. But, being a student, our time together has to come to an end and, this May, he will be moving-on to actual practice on the other side of the country. I'll be handed-off to another PhD candidate that my current therapist will choose for me.

I've been going through a really, really dark period over the past couple of months that has been especially scary. I'm usually in a moderately dark place anyway, but this has been even darker. I was talking with a friend the other night and they said they'd noticed I was in a bad place. Then, they asked if it might have anything to do with losing my therapist. It never occurred to me that that might be the reason. That I was experiencing a serious personal loss. I lost my mother a couple of years ago and never reacted to that like this, so I never thought losing my therapist might be setting me off like this.

Have you ever lost a therapist and reacted like this? Gone into a deeper depression? It feels so strange to me to think this might be what's going on in me.

[Beany Boo]

MarkS

Good morning

If your PhD student therapist has been 'keeping you alive'; with their confidential, regular visits; where they hold a space where you can share anything then yes, it is completely reasonable to have a profound feeling of loss. But they are leaving and if you don't take steps to let them go, you will lose the sense of them. It is vitally important to let them go, experience them leaving; say, "goodbye." Let them leave without losing them.

You haven't lost the opportunity for a therapeutic relationship. In fact one is prepared for you; by someone who has supported you. It is likely going to be different and difficult in some ways. But it is important going into it to let this new PhD student be more than life support. Let them share in your darkness. They can effect more of what you need if you do.

I apologize if my concern weighs on you or if I have said things where I have no idea. I appreciate what you're going through.