My 30 Year Diet

[remarks]

Nearly every aspect of my life has changed over the past 30 years, but one thing remains the same: my struggle with body weight. I’m 37 years old and have been trying to lose weight since I was 7. That’s hard to write. That’s hard to accept.

I’ve tried every diet and exercise plan imaginable. Some of them do work - I lose weight. The problem is, I find it back (and then some). No matter what I accomplish in my life, I will always feel like a failure because of my weight. When I look in the mirror or step on the scale, it’s just a reminder of how I’ve tried... and failed at the same goal for 30 years.

I know A LOT about nutrition and fitness thanks to spending most of my life reading up on them. I don’t need another doctor to tell me to count my calories or drink more water. I know what I should do...it’s sticking to it long-term that I cannot do.

I can’t imagine trying and failing at anything else for that long. At some point, you have to be realistic and accept that you’re not going to reach your goal. Maybe it’s time for something more drastic. I’ve never allowed myself to consider weight loss surgery. I’ve always thought of it as the easy way out. But I’m not getting any younger. I want to enjoy my life and be able to do things with my kids. And I want to be happy with myself. That will never happen while I’m carrying around 100 extra pounds.

My wife is the one who brought up the surgery idea, in a loving way. She knows I’ve struggled for 30 years and wants me to be happy. She’s not pushing it on me - she just thinks I should look into it. She brought up a good point. Last year, we had to file for bankruptcy. The process was not fun and it killed our credit scores, but now we are free from years of debt we were never going to be able to pay. Now we have the freedom to start over. Maybe having a weight loss surgery would do the same for my body...and my mind.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Remarks,

No matter what I accomplish in my life, I will always feel like a failure because of my weight.

I feel so bad you feel this way.

I am carrying 90 extra pounds, and I have bad knees, i know what you are talking about, i think.

Have you explored why you might eat unhealthily? I know i eat unhealthily because i use eating to manage my mood, my subconscious knows it is a guaranteed way to boost my mood anytime.

Please take care, all the best.

[oak]

Good for you, Remarks, for getting it all out. That took courage, and we're only as sick as our secrets.

Before I was devastated by the twin hell of GERD and sleep apnea, I might have offered a nuanced list of things to consider when it comes to weight loss surgery.

Humbled, completely, I am of the "any port in a storm" and "anything moral and legal".

Obesity is hell. (Or at least my experience, listed above, has been hell.)

If you haven't already, I encourage you to watch the series "My 600 Pound Life"; besides being very compelling television (as powerful as "Intervention" was 20 years ago), each of the patients gets said surgery. Seeing how many people react to the surgery you're considering is really enlightening.

****Off-topic****

Having been well read on nutrition, have you had any run-ins with the Esselstyn crowd (eg "Forks Over Knives"). I ask for own curiosity.

btw, I might be going the John McDougall route again; I may create its own post. Eating is such an emotional topic. Goodness.

[remarks]

Manual and Oak,

Thanks for your responses. This is a hard topic to discuss. There's nothing sexy about being a food addict. If you're addicted to drugs or booze, at least there's the fun side before the downfall. All I have is empty calories and a full stomach.

I was watching an old episode of King of the Hill the other day and Bill said, "If you're feeling full, you're feeling something." I wish I could laugh at that, but it's too true.

[dopplerfield]

If this is inappropriate, or if I should have created a new thread for it, please let me know.

I have been using food for the last ten years as a vice. I'm sure some people can relate. As a child, food was the way my family showed love. I never really had an over-eating issue before I started 'losing enthusiasm for the fight'. But found comfort in it, and also found that when I did eat a lot, I'd see some beneficial mental changes. But I guess like all vices, the positive things you get out of them end up being outweighed by the mounting side-effects of the self-medicating.

My food-love association actually became a problem when I was with my ex wife. She didn't cook! And also had what I perceived as an eating-disorder (Intermittent Fasting). So I found myself over-indulging in food to compensate for the irrational part of my mind, 'nagging me' into thinking this was a love issue.

After we broke up, I continued the compulsive eating for a time, but eventually began to address the issue. For the longest time I would justify my eating as being a comfort that I needed to feel okay again.

Skipping forward. Now, after about 6 months of intermittent fasting (essentially just coffee and tea during the day, and the occasional carrot), and then meals during the night, I feel as though I can see the benefit of Intermittent Fasting. It's tough at first, but found that there are some really interesting effects, and some positive mental-changes, and also some positive health changes. And also, weirdly, the weight just fell off me, weight-loss became pretty effortless, and my association with food has completely shifted in my mind to a much more 'fuel' oriented thing. (hopefully that makes sense).

[remarks]

Hi dopplerfield,

First off, welcome! Thanks for your reply. It sounds like we have some similar food issues. I can very much relate to the whole food = love idea. Today I found out my mom is going to make me a big fancy (high calorie) breakfast this weekend to show her appreciation for me. Of course, I will eat it, but it's not going to change how I feel about her.

I've tried intermittent fasting, but I have trouble sticking to it...just like everything else. I'm glad you're having success with it!

[remarks]

UPDATE: I had a virtual visit with a bariatric surgeon today. It looks like I might be going through with the stomach sleeve surgery...and fairly soon. This is something I've put a lot of thought into lately and I know it's not a magic fix...I will still have a lot of work to do. But it gives me hope, which is something I haven't had in relation to my physical health for a long time.

[manuel_moe_g]

stomach sleeve surgery, what a wonderful tool to introduce a new chapter in your life!

and a new chapter means a new way of interacting with food, both nutritionally and mentally. a place of bounty instead of lack

wishing you all the best!

[oak]

Yes, agreed with our dear friend Manuel Moe.

I wish you well. My friends have had great success with it. Please do keep us posted.

[snoringdog]

Hello Remarks,

I wish you well!
(Fortunately I've never had weight issues that so many struggle and suffer with.)

Question about the approach - It appears to be a purely mechanical thing - reducing stomach size so you fill up quicker.
But the physiology of hunger pangs and satiety is much more complicated than that, isn't it?

How does it work?

SD