Running on Empty: Overcoming Childhood Emotional Neglect

[ladysquid]

This book blew my mind. After reading it I feel like shouting from the rooftops and passing it around to everyone....well, I showed it to my therapist and girlfriend but that was enough. It was scary how absolutely spot-on this book was for me.

Running on Empty by Dr. Jonice Webb breaks down the "invisible" abuse that comes from omission instead of commission. Often neglect is only used in the context for pyschical neglect but emotional neglect is just as lethal.

I read a lot of books on shame and narcisstic parenting but my parents never really fit that archetype and I was still convinced that they did nothing wrong and my anxiety and self-hatred were all because I was ungrateful and a worthless person.

Seriously though. For anyone who thinks their childhood was "happy" yet feels disconnected from their family and people in general, read this book. For anyone who can't name their own emotions and can't handle anyone else showing emotion, read this book.

Here is the link to her website, it also includes some questionarres and other information.

http://www.drjonicewebb.com/

[FrecklesMcGee]

Yes! I second your ringing endorsement of this book. My inability to name emotions became evident in therapy when, every time my therapist would ask the classic "what are you feeling right now", I was unable to answer her. I literally had no labels and we had to start with a list of emotions that I could choose from. I felt embarrassed and ashamed and couldn't understand why my emotional self was so under developed. When I read this book, it all became clear. I hadn't made the connection, but now that I have, it seems so obvious to me. I am still emotionally guarded as a result of the emotional neglect, but I feel like I have some kind of touch stone to come back to whenever I feel myself shutting down. This book made a lot of things a whole lot clearer.

[Beany Boo]

Agreed,

I am only into part 2 of the audiobook and I'm already in a pool of my own relief. The recognition is... timely, pain-shifting and welcome.

[HowDidIGetHere]

I hope it's okay to post a related-but-different link, but I found this book incredibly helpful as well, at least in terms of "oh, that's why I'm such a mess."

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00G3L1C2K/re ... nav-subnav

[ladysquid]

Good to see others also finding this helpful. I was so happy that the author was on the podcast too so that more people are aware of this issue. Feeling validated is so important to starting to heal.

Thanks for the other recommendation, HowDidIGetHere I am personally still grappling with the idea that my generally emotionless upbringing could be classified as traumatic but this book definitely seems worthwhile too.

[Imissmysun]

Thank you for the recommendations

A. I love reading
B. I am making a list of books to buy
C. I may have to get on a street corner and beg money to afford my ehalthy brain books

[rivergirl]

Depending on where you live, you might be able to find some of these through your library or ask your library to do interlibrary loan for you for free or a small fee. A lot of libraries also have free ebook and eaudiobook collections.

Imissmysun, if you listen to audiobooks, these two titles are both available from NYPL as eaudiobooks, and I believe you're eligible for an NYPL card as a NY state resident. (I know you may not want to get a card, etc but just in case ... )

I work with e-materials as part of my job. Recently added every ebook & eaudiobook I could find by one of Paul's guests, and others on mental health topics, to the collection where I work. Was a bit worried I was outing myself to my employer as having mental health issues, but I decided it was worth it if providing this access helped someone.

rivergirl

[Imissmysun]

Thank you this is awesome!!!!

[ladysquid]

I second that, rivergirl!

I found the audio version on the Overdrive app! You can link your library account and download e-books and audiobooks on your phone or tablet. Libraries are the bessst. I always try before I buy. You can search on WorldCat to see every library that owns any particular book - even university libraries.

[didbakenaked]

I haven't read 'Running on Empty' yet, but I plan on attaining it soon from the library. I just read an article about emotional neglect and it blew my mind.

http://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/emotiona ... exPTSD.pdf


This was the first time I heard of someone else experiencing the same "crippling self attack" and "emotional flashbacks" I have had throughout my entire adult life. My triggers have always been hard to pinpoint until I read that they are commonly those people that vaguely resemble our parents. OMG. This describes me whole heartedly. I feel so relieved.

Lady Squid, I too went through thinking my parents were of the narcissistic persona and I never felt it fit well enough. Do you all in this thread feel like you may have complex PTSD symptoms? I don't know. I know that when I have emotional flashbacks I can have rational thoughts, but I can not talk myself out of the inner hurting I feel that is so strong that I am often in the fetal position sobbing uncontrollably.


And, now I hope with this recognition, I can move closer to a somewhat full recovery. BABY STEPS