Bi the Way, I'm Traumatized

[Bioluminescence]

My sexuality is almost totally inert. I experienced something, but I don't know what. I'm stuck scrabbling for puzzle pieces of symptoms trying to piece together a coherent picture. One of the biggest hurdles is that my sexuality doesn't seem to exist anymore. Sometimes I'm so sure it's CSA, sometimes I'm not sure at all.

The first time I thought of myself as bisexual, it's like I put on a well worn jacket that fit me. Does that make sense? Except remembering and feeling that are two different things. I'm constantly stuck in a cycle of needing to prove myself because I don't experience a lot of attraction to people. It's like that part is just shut down. And if you guys are/know a bisexual, you know that there's a lot of pressure on them to prove themselves. Not straight enough for straights, not gay enough for gays. Promiscuous, cheaters, novelties for an adventurous couple.....

One of my biggest fears is being an imposter. Not really being bi, not really being a survivor. They both feel tangled up in each other and buried in a tar pit. I know feelings trump labels, but it's like a label gives feeling dimension. Substance. Part of this is validation thirst, but I'm afraid I've fooled myself into thinking I'm something I'm not.

Anyone else feel this way?

[jerseygirl]

I feel this way too. I’m new here.

[snoringdog]

Hello Jerseygirl,

Welcome aboard!

I don't have much to add here, except to acknowledge that sexuality is one of the most difficult subjects there is to deal with, right?

It's the root of so many problems (refer to the podcast...), and it connects to so many different aspects of our being - biological, emotional, intellectual etc....

Hoping you can find peace.

Snoringdog

[resnullis]

I know this is an older post but it gave me much comfort to read. I am glad not to be the only one feeling a disconnect, especially as an lgbt person. Would love an update if you have the time/energy!