I hope I'm not alone

[Am I enough?]

Hi I'm new here.

I listen to the podcast so I can feel like I have a friend.

I feel so alone in my struggle.

I have struggled with mental illness ever since I can remember. These names don't really capture my pain but I have suffered from Borderline Personality Disorder, Anorexia, OCD, Depression, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, PTSD. I've also been sexually abused by my dad and my grandpa. My mum suffered from Depression when I was a baby and neglected me. My dad is terrifying and abused all of my family.
I have been in intense therapy many times in the last ten years. I am lucky to have the most amazing treatment team.
I am currently in therapy and this time I feel like I am working through some of the hardest trauma.

I don't know if anyone else feels like this but I seem to have emotional flashbacks from when I was a baby and when I have these I feel like I'm going to die. I cry and yearn for a mum to care for me but no one comes for me.
I feel like a baby who has been left in a gutter.

It's such an overwhelming feeling and consumes me completely.
I am working through this with my therapist but I have attached to her so much that I can't bare the times I am apart. I feel like my therapist is my mum and I wish she was my mum. It's such a tormenting situation because she can't be my mum and I can only see her for one hour a week.
So for the rest of the week I feel unbearably alone, like a baby with no mum.

[Beany Boo]

Hey Am I enough, welcome.

[manuel_moe_g]

Welcome to the forum, "Am I enough?" All the best to you. Keep the lines of communication open

[hobojungle]

Welcome enough, you are moving in a positive direction.