Trying my hardest not to act how I feel...and failing

[Dazed & Confused]

Hello All,

My name is Alia and I am a long time listener to the podcast. I'm diagnosed with OCD and Bipolar II. On the daily, I experience lots of repetitive thoughts and actions, and inability to sit and relax, and intense, unexpected mood swings (just to name a few).

I joined this forum because I'm hoping to learn some healthy ways to address my symptoms, and I at least hope to feel a little less alone. I have been hospitalized in a mental unit four times for suicidal ideation and attempts. I've been seeing a variety of therapists for the past ten years, including Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT), which was very helpful in a lot of ways. My favorite techniques for calming myself are square breathing and running ice water on my face and hands. Both have effectively ended my panic attacks quickly.

I'm curious if there is anyone here with similar experiences? I was recently put on Abilify and I'm not sure that I like it. I'm also attempting to be tapering down on Seroquel. The rest of my crazy cocktail includes: Lithium, Prazosin, Klonopin, and Trazodone.

Using the word "crazy" for me lightens the reality of what I deal with, and probably all of you deal with every day. I mean no disrespect with the term.

Thanks for reading. I would love to hear from any of you. I'm just hoping to find some like-minded people with whom I can share and discuss these topics.

--- Dazed and Confused

"You can't expect to be old and wise if you were never young and crazy"

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Dazed & Confused! Welcome to our little forum, make yourself at home!

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All the best!

[brownblob]

Hi Alia,
I deal with depression. When I'm in a bad depression I experience the repetitive thoughts and inability to sit and relax. The only thing I've found with the repetitive thoughts is to play the TV or music to distract me and basically drown them out. Sometimes the TV or music will get on my nerves too, so doesn't always work.
I was hospitalized several times when I was younger for suicidal ideation/attempts. I do pretty well with fighting those off now. It's hard to describe how I've learned to deal with them, but basically try to change the thought before it can get a hold on in my brain or to think of these thoughts as coming from that crazy part of my brain and not really mine. Kind of identifying them as a voice in my head and isolating it and not listening to it.
Currently, I just take Lamictal.

I tried abilify and it just made me really tired and didn't help. I tried lithium for a month one time when I was trying a different med every month, but didn't notice anything.

I use the word crazy to describe myself, but I use it in a negative sense. I use kind of as this mental defectiveness that I will always have.

Sorry I'm not more help.

BB

[bigeekgirl]

Welcome Dazed & Confused! I'm sorry you are struggling. Meds can be a struggle. Glad you found our little forum.

Honestly, I've thrown everything in the book at my cocktail of problems, including intrusive thoughts. The two things that seem to have made the most difference in changing things for the better are mindful meditation and going to a support group. Now, I still take an SSRI and have to do all the other things like get enough sleep, eat right and all that jazz, but 4 1/2 years of a 10 minute a day practice (with some inevitable lapses) and almost a year now in my support group has been what's finally got me doing more than coping with life.

Everyone's journey is different, of course, but it's a great help to have some like-minded folks to travel with and we have that here, for sure.

[Dazed & Confused]

Thanks for the support, everybody. Finding the right concoction of meds is always so hard. And I always feel like I'm taking you many.
Well I've now got a reason for some of the symptoms I've been having. I am apparently severely hypothyroid and the thyroid supplement I'm taking is not working well enough. My doctor prefers that my TSH (Thyroid Stimulating Hormone) should stay around 0.3 and 1.5. Mine is 12.6 right now. This is the highest it's ever been, which means my thyroid is functioning lower than it ever has. It's crazy how much thyroid can effect. Now I'm off to more doctors appointments.

[bigeekgirl]

Thyroid problems are no joke. My numbers run in "normal" range now but they didn't when I weighed more. If I ran out of meds for a couple days, it was like someone pulled my battery. That mind-body connection cuts both ways.