Glad to be here

[Dave33]

I found this podcast recently through Paul's interview on the Nerdist. I'm a stand up comedy nerd and podcast junkie and since I work from home I love to scour the archives of several shows while I work. I was familiar with Paul's work, but had no real idea of all the issues he'd struggled with or about this amazing use of the medium he'd found. Immediately after that episode I came to this site and have been binge listening/reading for days. While I don't normally post anything online I felt the need to come here to at least mention how amazed I am by everyone's bravery that I've found here both in the interviews and on the forum.

I myself have always struggled with what I guess could be termed as constant low level depression with a sprinkling of anxiety. After a painful divorce a few years back things started to get progressively worse and I very quickly started to lose perspective. As a result I started to push away the already small support system I had making my worsening sense of loneliness and isolation a self imposed reality. My wife had left (taking her daughter with her who had become like my own child) on Christmas morning so the holidays have been particularly rough on me as they are on many struggling people. Occasional suicidal thoughts became more frequent and more severe until this last New Years I finally swallowed a handful of pills.

Obviously I survived and was lucky in the sense that I had no permanent physical damage but only a couple months of digestive issues. What damage I did suffer was in the form of a whole new sense of feeling lost. The last resort I'd always taken a morbid sense of comfort in was now off the table because I couldn't bare the idea of failing again. I hadn't planned to survive so I had no idea what to do next. I spent a lot of time robotically trudging through. While going through the motions I kept listening to podcasts and heard a couple interviews with Maria Bamford whose openness inspired me to seek therapy again though I'd had bad experiences with that in the past. That decision to keep "seeking" coupled with the discovery of this amazing show/forum has really helped me to feel less alone and to find a sense of hope.

A big thank you to Paul and to all the brave people here both being interviewed and on the forum.

[oak]

I am glad you made it Dave! Welcome.

[Bigfun]

I also found this pod cast through the nerdist, and can totally relate to a lot of what you said. I've chosen not to speak to my family for long periods of times and Holidays can be really really lonely. This is the first time in my life that I'm building a support system and it feels great to not be such an isolationist. I do still have my moments of wanting to shut down and hide from the world but I'm making baby steps and the little changes have started to make a big difference. I've recently started therapy, I've had bad experiences in the past and I too tried to take the advice to keep seeking. It's not easy, I get overwhelmed very easily, but I'm hanging in there, like a kitty kat in a tree.
I wish you the best and hope you find some comfort and support here.
*hugs*