Ep 146

[ghughes1980]

I am personally having a harder and harder time relating to guests and survey content. Not everything in the world revolves around sex. I'm up anyway so I'll listen (not like there's anything else to do between 4-8am without cable tv but I just couldn't get connected with either Chemda or the other content. Is anyone else experiencing this? Is this podcast fatigue?

[gfmyself]

I also had a hard time relating to Chemda, maybe because of a cultural difference or maybe she's just not dysfunctional enough for me lol. It seems like the best guests are those that are chatter boxes and forthcoming with details of deep dysfunction and emotions.

Unrelated to Chemda, just in general, I like when guests are relaxed and real. I'm not impressed with gratuitous cussing and being "edgy".

My favorite episodes are those that talk about unique, unpleasant, and embarrassing topics that would otherwise not be talked about in the general public or in light, friendly conversations. The deeper the dysfunction, the greater my interest.

I like the structured format of the survey reponses, sometimes more than the interview, though I wouldn't mind less sexual content.

[bigeekgirl]

I didn't relate to the sexual identity stuff and was feeling like you guys until almost the end where she started talking about her current relationship with her parents. It so much speaks to what I am dealing with in my life right now. My rift isn't over anything so easy to explain as Chemda's story, but I relate to her feelings.

My mother totally doesn't get me no matter how much I've tried to say "this is who I am" and her love becomes so hollow when she doesn't remember or acknowledge even trivial things about me. She loves the idea of me. She loves her self-image as a mother. She doesn't even know who I am.

[ghughes1980]

The thing I'm having a hard time with lately is every question Paul seems to ask is geared towards solving something in his own life. These questions just make me scream at the ipod. listen to episodes before his breakthrough about his mother and interviews where a lot more interesting because he wasn't filtering his issues through guests trying to get them to meet and validate his own struggles. The podcast is turning into let's see how Paul can spin someone's story to meet his own. not everyone has this happening to them manipulating them to think they have the same issues as you is a dis-service.

[Fargin]

I thought Paul delivered his A-game and I think that Paul being Paul, made this episode rank very high on my mentalpod list.

I thought the Chemda interview was going to be a lighter episode, a week where we didn't have to visit the darkest depths of humanity and pain. I never care much, whether the episode gets deep and dirty or if the subject comes from a more grounded and established place in live, I'm mostly looking for the human connection between Paul and his guests. I also think one of the reasons that Paul's guests are willing to visit their own pain or put their public persona a bit asside, is because Paul's openness about his own struggle and insecurities has an inviting effect.

I noticed that Paul several times, went back in Chemda's story and I really wasn't sure he was going with it, but it paid off and resulted in some very profound thoughts from Chemda, about the kind of damage a child can experience, when all the parents emphasis is focused on the appearance of a home or the appearance of a family. The worst thing you can do to a child is to put them in a situation, where they have to lie or hide, feel ashamed about, who they are, who they love, because it conflicts with the idea of the perfect family to outsiders.

Personally I thought Paul nailed it and I thought Chemda allowed herself to face a very brutal reality, that many of us black sheep have had to face. That sometimes our true happiness doesn't fit with our parents plans. Sometimes family is just the people, who hurts you the most. That sometimes cutting the umbilical cord can take an adult life time and sometimes it means that you have to find your real family, other places than your biological family.

[bigeekgirl]

ghughes1980 - It seems to me we filter everything through our own experiences. It's human nature. Paul has grown a lot as an interviewer since the first episode. I am a lot more comfortable with him being honest about his childhood and relating to the guests than I was back when he was saying to everyone "it's not about blaming our parents" with such discomfort because sometimes blame is appropriate even if it is just asking for acknowledgement. Or maybe I'm just projecting I've been prodded by the show to examine my own childhood and take off the rose colored glasses in a way very similar to Paul.

[ghughes1980]

It's all turning into a Freudian experiment which is the main thing that bothers me:
Question 1: What happened in your childhood?
Question 2: Any seminal moments in your life (that related to sex)?

So on and so on this line of questioning was in episode 143 also and it was weird. As I mentioned before this trend started happening after the therapy breakthrough Paul had in his own sessions.

[Fargin]

I thought Paul did an excellent job, the whole affectionate/immaculate household confusion at the beginning definitely was worth examining and though it took most of the interview to focus in on it, I thought the travel was enjoyable and the ending profound. I think our upbringing and our sexuality is the very core of our identity, which is why these subjects weighs the heaviest and are the foundation for our every relation.

[bigeekgirl]

I agree with you, Fargin. At least for me, childhood, sex and sexual stuff from childhood pretty much dominate my "issues" and much of who I am. Might not be true for everyone, but it seems like it is true for many of us.

[CharlotteC]

I thought Paul did a great job with this interview, because he drew Chemda right into the heart of her pain, and to that question for her parents: Who are you talking to when you say, "I love you"? Because it's not me.

That was powerful. The whole question about the emptiness of her parents love for her -- their inability to really see and accept her, and respond to her -- is one of the big questions I struggle with. Sometimes I wonder the same thing: should I just let them go? I know deep down that I can't, so I really liked Paul's answer: just deal with today, and if you don't feel like talking to your mother today, then don't.

I've been asserting some boundaries recently (thanks to this podcast!), and it's strengthened me, but it's been hard. Bigeekgirl, I can totally relate to this statement:

My mother totally doesn't get me no matter how much I've tried to say "this is who I am" and her love becomes so hollow when she doesn't remember or acknowledge even trivial things about me. She loves the idea of me. She loves her self-image as a mother. She doesn't even know who I am.

Yep. My biggest fear is that they've warped my ability to love. Certainly to love them.

It's a privilege to hear these conversations. I know some people get tired of hearing Paul talk about his mother, but I don't. Honestly, I can't get enough of hearing someone else talk about their struggles with a narcissistic parent. It really, really helps me.