My financial crisis: mid-May to mid-June (ongoing).

[oak]

Great news, please take care of yourself, you deserve it

Thank you, Manuel Moe. Yesterday was a journey. I'm glad we could made it, together.

Update!

Today I effected #13: Difficult talk with my boss.

I was kind and grateful: I appreciate his kindness, the position, and that they hired me at a fine wage in 2020.

One can be kind but also direct: I explained that, this month, I had to choose between eating and electricity.

(He was oddly non-plussed; in no way disrespectful, but did not engage.)

Having said that plainly, my conscience is clear that I communicated to him that this is not a long term acceptable status quo.

[rivergirl]

I'm so sorry, Oak.

Sorry that income inequality is so bad that your job doesn't provide a living wage even with your education and experience. I'm old enough to remember a time when things were very different.

I understand that your boss probably isn't able to offer you a raise, but I'm sorry that he wasn't able to engage on a human level with your concerns.

You're taking important steps, and we're on your side.

rivergirl

[oak]

Thanks, RiverGirl!

Friends, a brief rant, if you'll indulge me:

What is important to me.
What means nothing to me.
Society could have had me. I'm out.

What is important to me:

Me
My friends
Swing dancing, tai chi, and martial arts
(Big gap but still on the list:) Giving my employer 8 hours of labor, in exchange for a living wage.

What means absolutely nothing to me:

Family
Religion
Community
Any particular employer

Everything that was important to generations of American working men means absolutely nothing to me, because...

Society could have had me. I'm out.

I grew up the most conventional little battery (Matrix film). "Good boy", good citizen, higher education, did jobs I was given.

Had society thrown me a bone (paid me a living wage), I'd be a good little battery. They went out their way to not fulfill their side. After 25 years of trying to win their game, I can't.

While I am not Japanese, I am fascinated by the practice of Hikikomori

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hikikomori

I'll post a thread featuring some fascinating articles about these troubled, yet obviously very smart, men.

Basically, once I'm full time work from home, I'll only leave the house for groceries, the gym, and swing dancing.

I give society exactly what it gave me: nothing, not even caring enough to give any negativity back. If this is nihilism, then that's what they gave me.

Edit to add:

In this scene, one that I think ranks in the finest of American cinema, society is the mother, and I am the esteemed Ernest Borgnine:

“Marty” (1955, Oscar winning film), “A Big Night of Heartache”

https://youtu.be/ktXm7CRXbsE

[oak]

Friends, a brief update:

In the last ten days I've had three heart to heart conversations with my supervisor:

1. I am choosing between food and the electric bill.
2. The day may come, in June, when I cannot afford to drive into the office. As in I have no money for gas.
3. Due a higher up leadership change, our department may face a re-org. They don't pay me enough (see above) to humor a "new broom that sweep clean"/"new sheriff in town". Ugh.

I say all this, here, because in The Bad Old Days I would not have used my words. I would have waited for things to fall apart, creating bad feelings.

Nowadays I was kind but also explicit, and defined my terms. Nothing was left unsaid, and everything was respectful. Respectful but direct and clear.

Lastly, it is increasingly obvious that I need to get out of the professional/financial situation. Whatever is further down this road is bad. It is all only bad.

The freight train is coming down the tracks. Maybe not this week or next, but sooner or later.

https://media.giphy.com/media/K88pemIqP0oMg/giphy-downsized-large.gif

[oak]

A picture is worth a thousand words:

https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/v016oj/thanks_i_hate_making_lemonade_from_lifes_constant/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


Edit to add (next day):

I’ve not had goosebumps in, goodness, years. From before I got sober (2008)?

I’ve had them five times in the previous week. I am moved at small moments.

Maybe there is a little movement and hope and heart underneath there all along.

[rivergirl]

I can relate to the image, Oak.

Hold on this week.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak
Checking in on the planning, how is it this far?

[oak]

What’s happening with the tooth? Not split/vertical fracture? Root Canal?

Mental Fairy!

While my periodontal situation is okay, some of my beloved roast got stuck in a gap, causing swelling on Wednesday. I didn't want any part of that over a weekend, so they were kind enough to have me at the end of the day Friday.

Resolved to use all my dental benefits while I'm still at my current employer (hence putting this reply in this thread), I also asked for and received (1) a referral to a periodontist for a refresher course on flossing and (2) refill prescriptions for my beloved Prevident Sensitive*

(*Seriously, I love my Prevident almost as much as I love my Buspar. I knew I had arrived in this life when I got this life-affirming prescription toothpaste. Dental care is a huge part of mental health, my friends.)

Hi Oak
Checking in on the planning, how is it this far?

Mental Fairy, hello and thank you for inquiring!

I survived this acute mess okay. I can't live like this.

While I continue to be in the "Action" (nutrition and appliance) and "Maintenance" (exercise) of my top goal of sleep apnea, I'd say my career/financial plans are in the "Preparation" stage right now: action definitiely in the next six months, but more pressing crises for now.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transtheoretical_model