Troebia's Diary

[troebia]

What did you make?!

Crêpes. Background: My wife and I study Italian at the European language school in town, and the French gang had invited us over. I flipped the crêpes in the air and made them just right which apparently was considered a superpower, and instantly regretted volunteering because of the attention. I felt a bit like the show-off who picks up the guitar at the campfire.

Working in the grove this morning, and lost my balance several times. The same "thick" and cold feeling in the brain as months back when I started taking vortioxetine. I won't be going back on it if I can help it.

[Mental Fairy]

Brain zaps are sooooo distracting and horrible. Never been so scared in my life with those.

Hang in there.

[troebia]

Thank you MF, it feels better knowing I can "spill the beans" to everyone here.

Health log
Sometimes still "forgetting" to breathe in bed and it's messed up because it feels like drowning, and I'll wake suddenly and sit up in panic and hyperventilate. A strange coldness in my forehead...the medication apparently suppresses part of the brain functions and it only becomes noticeable when there are changes in dosage. The ideal medicated state seems to be numbness, to be able to adapt to this f***ed up world without breaking down.

Thoughts log
Existential thoughts are seeping in again, mixed with a sort of forced reframing of my position. I am not in control of my own life right now. It's profoundly emasculating and makes me feel powerless.

Playing with graphite, ink and granulating watercolor:

italy_view.jpg (252.93 KiB) Viewed 467 times

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Troebia!

God that picture is gorgeous!

Sometimes still "forgetting" to breathe in bed and it's messed up because it feels like drowning

Do you wear a CPAP machine sleeping mask & breathing machine?

https://www.resmed.com/en-us/sleep-apnea/cpap-parts-support/sleep-apnea-full-products-list/cpap-machines/airsense-10/

that is the webpage for the one i use

please continue to breathe, we need artists on this planet

[Mental Fairy]

I would buy that picture! It’s beautiful

[troebia]

Do you wear a CPAP machine sleeping mask & breathing machine?

MM, it's good to know that this equipment exists and that it works for "central" sleep apnea too. I'm hoping my problem is only temporary since I still have withdrawal symptoms from the vortioxetine.

Thank you all so much for kind words about my paintings. I'm fine-tuning my travel kit since hopefully it will be needed soon. Nerding out, but I'd like to share the list here:

• Chinese ink dog hair piston brush
• 2 Pentel water nylon brushes
• 2 small Chinese dog hair brushes
• Escoda dagger nylon brush
• Wide short flat nylon brush
• Small plastic spray bottle for water
• Pilot Croquis 6B 4mm lead pencil
• Pentel multicolor 2mm lead pencil (8 custom colours)
• 2 cheap clear plastic fountain pens with fude (bent) tips, brown and black permanent ink
• Stainless steel pill case custom watercolour palette, 9 colours
• White gouache tube
• Eraser (seldom used)
• Clear hobby glue and tiny plastic cutter (that somehow passes airport security) for collage

travel_kit.jpg (243.33 KiB) Viewed 445 times

All fits into a soft pencil pouch. With this I usually carry a tiny A6 sketchbook and a small A5 watercolour block, and a pocket pack of paper handkerchiefs.

[Mental Fairy]

I sense that maybe your artist mojo is coming back ……

[troebia]

I sense that maybe your artist mojo is coming back ……

At the very least I feel properly armed

[Mental Fairy]

Got some food shanks there!

[manuel_moe_g]

Troebia,

i am so jealous. it has been so long since i did any pen & ink drawing

i love technical pens. think will arm myself with set of felt tip technical pens, with sizes as fine as possible

what are your recommendations, Troebia, for actually forcing yourself to draw? i draw fast, so only need a 25 minute session for each piece