Goals lab

[Beany Boo]

I’ve been reading a lot lately about antiracism and in particular the experiences of people of color in educational institutions. While my own experience never had the ongoing trauma of racism, the reading is bringing up my own aversion to education. I think I might add a ‘don’t’ to the front of that subgoal. In my mind right now though it’s very complicated. I want to feed my mind with more education but find it difficult to trust the education system. I don’t want to ‘play the game’.

[Beany Boo]

Subgoal 1f: learn Japanese fishing knots and how to make traditional wooden bait boxes.

[Beany Boo]

Subgoal 4a clue: If you validate the inequality with which a particular woman is faced, once, turn that gesture into a repetitive habit.

Subgoal 4a clue: Coercive men will escalate their gaslighting behavior, before they’ll relinquish control of women in their sphere. It’s not even conscious. Burst the gaslit bubbles so the women don’t feel crazy.

[Beany Boo]

Subgoal 6b progress: I swerved enabling my boss today. It felt like I’d taken a painkiller. He wanted to be right saying something about all his employees in the way he said something to me. It was toxic. He assumed my agreement. I don’t know what I did, just that I didn’t comply to my place in his drama.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Excellent, Beany Boo!

[oak]

Well done. Standing up, kindly but plainly, to a boss is a grown up thing to do.

Good luck with the woodworking!

[Beany Boo]

Subgoal 6b progress: I struggle with light, sound, voices, eye contact, exit location, being alone in a room with another person and being direct with people. Today I finally had an encounter where someone put their hand on my shoulder and it actually felt appropriate. Small thing. Huge.

[Beany Boo]

Subgoal 2d progress: Watched a show on aloha shirts made from kimono fabric.
Subgoal 5b: Be kind to groups.

[Beany Boo]

Subgoal 6b progress: Hold your tongue less.

[Heatherwantspeace]

I sometimes wonder if I'll ever stop being aware of where the escape route is or where every person in the room is. Maybe not. I think that's the major thing people don't understand about trauma. It's not all flashbacks. It's often a colossal waste of energy having to keep track of everything.

I really loved your story about the hand on your shoulder. What a lovely, trusted moment where you were each in tune with the other.
Heather