Depression/anxiety/frustration has kicked up a notch

[meh]

If your therapist can't find time for you... it's time for you to find a new therapist. Every one I've ever worked with would bend over backwards to fit me in, mainly for the insurance reimbursement I suppose.

Add mental health issues to a shaky marriage is a sure recipe for disaster. I'm right in the middle of that situation myself.

Do what's right for you. Then figure out what to do about others. And good luck.

[weary]

The mental health issues are the reason that the marriage is shaky. I used to think that it was just hers. Now I fully cop to the fact that it is mine too. When I first started therapy, I didn't think I was fucked up - yes, I was "stressed" - depressed and anxious, but I was just going to therapy because I was having trouble coping with the crazy behavior of my wife, my parents...

I can't completely fault my therapist, because he told me on the way in - I had been seeing a different therapist and been frustrated with him because it didn't feel like things were progressing. My current therapist was head of the practice where my wife sees her therapist and where we had gone together for counseling, plus he was the leader of two therapy groups, one of which my wife had gone to and one of which I was going to. I felt like I was making some progress with him and wanted to continue individually, but he told me he really didn't have room in his schedule to take a new patient so he wouldn't be able to see me every week. Yup, my own stupid fault.

[Stina]

weary,
I just read this thread in one sitting and I have to tell you that I am really impressed with how well you are able to express your thoughts, feelings and concerns. I applaud you and wish you much luck during this difficult period.

[weary]

Hi Stina.
I really appreciate you saying that. Sometimes I feel like I am doing a really shitty job expressing my feelings, at least in real life. I guess it is a little easier to do in this anonymous way. I have a hard time sometimes opening up and feeling understood in my therapy group, but if I am conversing with one of the people from my group one-on-one via texting, I feel like I can understand and be understood better.
I actually had a kind of upsetting experience at my group last night. There are certain things that people can say in well-meaning ways that I filter and process to mean something else and it triggers things. Last night I got a lot of feedback from my therapist and fellow depressives/crazies/suffering spouses that felt like it meant "everything is your fault. It's all in your head. Stop being a baby." In fact, that's not at all what they were saying, but it was things like "don't spend so much time focusing on the needs that aren't being met in your marriage, try to focus and appreciate the needs that are being met when they are being met." or "I think that if your wife felt safer or more secure in your relationship, then she would be willing and able to come through to meet your needs better. You need to make her feel safe."
The problem with that to me is I have done that for many years, and it is a slippery slope to completely accommodating and enabling other people's problems and completely neglecting your own needs for many years. It hurt and I feel a little isolated and less understood and connected to a group of people that were helping me. I'm trying to decide whether to reach out to some of them by text today and tell them how it made me feel or just fuck 'em for the weekend.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Weary,

maybe show them the posting above, laying out your feelings, reactions, and tendencies you have noticed about yourself, and your life-long challenges

All the best, "Moe"

[Peedee]

Hi weary,

I am the last one to give advice but one think l can say is by expressing your feelings and frustrations this forum does get a reply of goodwill and good wishes and sometimes good advice. I got one from manuel_moe_g this morning which did give me a bit of a lift today. Although I have been mostly down today it was a nice change. so I will continue talking/writing as l think it helps put things into perspective for me and allows me to think a little clearer to move forward. I know its a bit corny but just from the quick read of a couple of posts and yours l feel l can make a contribution and say your not alone - I feel better trying to help (hope it does). Take care and keep the posts coming.
cheers

Peedee

[weary]

Thanks guys - I appreciate it.