Can you cry?

[Son & Air]

I tear up quite a bit at the oddest things--like, the end of How To Train Your Dragon? What's that about?--But I haven't really broken down and sobbed since a couple of years ago when one of my cats died.

[roadieric]

My experience-based observation is that in American culture, the popular consensus was that "REAL men don't cry", which really does say quite a bit about the nation as a whole. Sensitivity seems to be tantamount to "weakness". It has been argued that the reason that so many WW II veterans became alcoholics (such as my own departed Dad, who didn't want to talk about it - he just wanted to FORGET) was because, after having to deal with so many atrocities, up close and personal, they were at a significant disadvantage (remember, this was WAY before the very real condition of PTSD was conceived, and soldiers were instructed to "be a man, suck it up, and move out!") to cope with the horrors they experienced.

This profoundly flawed thought process of reinforcing gender stereotypes was then passed along as the "popular wisdom", particularly in relation to us "baby boomers", which probably explains why there are now considerably more older folks who are emotionally "retarded", as opposed to the younger generations who have followed.

To that point, I believe this is at least part of the reason why there is such a prevalent stigma attached to depression, because those of us who try to deal with it typically "wear our hearts on our sleeves", which again is misinterpreted as "weakness", a trait that is totally unacceptable in "real men".



As for myself, who takes no meds whatsoever (for a number of reasons), the tears have flowed quite freely, and often unpredictably ("Murphy's Law" definitely applies!), ever since my so-called "life" fell apart (see my intro for more details), and usually it's not just a case of my eyes welling up. Instead, I often will become inconsolable and weep uncontrollably over things that other arguably more "well-adjusted" people can just shrug off with a casual shake of their head and a simple "oh well".

HELL YES I CRY --- A LOT!

Is there such a thing as TOO MUCH empathy?

Because typically my tears are an empathetic over-reaction to some "trigger" that most others seem to be blissfully unaware of (lucky them, I suppose?).

And if so, is this "hyper-empathy" nothing more than a "by-product" of the clinical depression that has brought me to the brink of ending my life twice now (with a third attempt never more than a moment away)?

Or maybe the "popular wisdom" is correct and I'm actually NOT a "real man"?

[Rosie]

Artpro 'He would stand there and snap the belt several times before he used it'

This is exactly and I mean exactly what my father did, he seemed to get real pleasure out of snapping that belt to make us feel smaller and more frightened before we had to hold our hands out for the punishment, if we dared to flinch he would say 'right now you get more for flinching'. I did tackle him about this in front of his new wife a few years ago, I just dropped it into the conversation. I said remeber when you used to hit us with your belt, he looked ashamed and said no and another stock answer 'don't bring up rubbish'. I stuck to my guns and repeated that 'yeah you did and you gave us extra if we flinched didn't you' - all said quite calmly. I have two god-daughters and I cannot imagine getting pleasure out of hurting them, my god their hands are so small. It just made me realise that it was quite a sick thing to do!

[fifthsonata]

Oh man - when I'm furiously enraged, I cry (which sort of invalidates any confrontation I have to do, especially when I need to seem authoritative) - and when I'm in a very dark depressive phase, I sob, unprovoked.

[robusto]

I was on Paxil for 10 years and could not cry if I tried. Now that I've switched to a combo of Celexa and Wellbutrin, I am able to cry when it is appropriate.

[Me, RN]

I wish! It's like the tears are there, and they just stop, right behind my eyes. It's horrible.

[MaryJ.]

That answer would be no. I am shelled up with anti depressants (zoloft and wellbutrin) and have been for decades. I envy anyone who can just cry when need be.

[meh]

For the longest time I just couldn't work up the tears. No matter what happened - family members dying for example - I was an empty shell.

There were brief moments where I could well up, usually for the dumbest reasons. But for most of my adult life there were no tears.

That all changed when I started on Lamictal in April. For a few weeks I was weepy all the time. It scared the kids and freaked out my wife. Now things are more buttoned up but I really feel like I can experience emotions for the first time in a long while.

[MizLzie]

I am a strange crier. I cry at nearly everything... TV, movies, music, commercials, a sweet gesture, other people's sadness & joy - yet when it comes to my own sadness, I talk myself out of it too quickly to really let them out. I've come to accept all my weird crying moments and let them out, just so I have that release.

One thing I have noticed is how much music - a song, definitely a voice - can affect me. I recently watched this film "Girl Walk" that's basically a big dance sequence by people who are dancing because they can, set to a great soundtrack. At the end I was sobbing, but happy sobbing. So much was released simply by watching that, so I relate to the comment about Raising Arizona (one of my fave movies too).

Anyway, I wish I could cry more than I do. I recognize that they can be a release and since I already have a hard time with letting things out, really need all the help I can get right? Until then the Tim Horton's Christmas commercials will have to do.

[My poor friend me]

I cry very, very rarely. Not quite never, but years pass between cries. My most recent cry was about a year and a half ago.

It can be frustrating when I feel a good cry just beneath the surface, and it just won't come out. Because the cathartic emtional release would be feel awesome. But in almost every case, it just won't come out.