Please, just think about it...

[Kured?]

I have the upmost empathy for anyone on this site who feels depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, incapable, incompetent, and unable. So I don't mean to come across as having all the answers. Please, just think about my story. Don't act on it if you don't feel it's right for you, but at least give it some thought.

I lived in the United States of America for 45 years. I moved to China 6 1/2 weeks ago. Do I have life whipped? No way. But...

Before I moved to China I was overwhelmed, and that was the least of my problems. I was anxious, depressed, angry, and felt suicidal more often than I care to admit. In fact there were times when I had my suicide planned out, complete with the note on my computer waiting for my mother. What kept me alive was my dog. Would my mother take him? What would he do without me?

My house was being foreclosed on, I didn't make enough money to pay living expenses let alone the bills, and I had no way to get a job without going back into the job that nearly killed me. Suicide was a far better option than moving back in with my mother, or most anything else. Not that I don't love my mother, but as a friend said, that would be movement backward. Life was HORRIBLE.

And then I found a job in China. I am NOT saying that moving to China is the way to get over feeling incompetent, depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, and horrible. But I'll tell ya, there's nothing like a complete change of scenery to get the blood boiling.

At home I was so focused on myself. I couldn't get over myself, no matter how hard I tried to throw myself into giving to others. At home I had life so easy. I could eat what I wanted when I wanted, even if there were times when I couldn't afford food. Eventually I could get money and buy the food I wanted and life was okay again for the moment. That made life hard, because I was so used to getting what I wanted when I wanted it, even when I didn't recognize how easy I had it.

When I moved to China I couldn't read or write or speak or understand the language. I still can't, 6 1/2 weeks later, although I have tutors, so I'm learning, and I know about 5 Chinese words now. And I can point and motion and use sign language to get what I want, some of the time. I literally went hungry the first few weeks I was here because it was so hard to get food here without knowing the language.

The point being...when it comes to survival, true survival, there is no room for depression. Most of my depression and anxiety is hormonally based. When my hormones get to raging (ie: PMS) I get depressed, anxious, and irritable. I knew that before I left the U.S. Since coming to China, only the irritability is evident. I haven't been depressed or anxious once since I've been here.

There are, actually, several reasons for this. One, I started meditating months before I ever considered looking for a job here. Meditation did WONDERS for my anxiety. If it weren't for meditation I would never have even considered coming to China. I wouldn't have had the mental space. Meditation is the magic "pill" that "cured" me of my anxiety. Two, I made the decision (and the mental/emotional determination) that fear would NOT get the best of me. "I will not be afraid!" I said, every time I felt afraid. Mind over matter. It's so important. So important. And then there was the basic human need to save myself at whatever cost.

I don't understand why Paul feels so depressed, even with all his medication, support groups, counseling, and the love of his wife, but I do think that some of it has to do with being so focused on self. Americans have it so easy. Americans have so much that they can't account for it all. Americans are spoiled beyond comprehension. It's easier to be self-indulgent than it is to be uncomfortable.

I don't know how, living in America, you get over that. I had to move to China. And I figure that sometime over the next 11 months that I'm here that it's likely that some of that depression and anxiety may come back, but I also know that the major discomfort I've put myself through over the last 6 1/2 weeks has dispelled much of my inclination to be depressed and anxious. I can do things I never before thought possible. I can endure conditions I never before considered would be part of my life. Not that life in China is easy, but it's a far cry different than the privilege that is life in the United States.

I guess what I'm saying is, stop feeding your neuroses. It took meditation and moving to China to stop feeding mine. Maybe it doesn't have to be for you (although, I think meditation is the very best thing ever). Maybe you can be better at mind over matter than me. Maybe you can decide you're going to be successful and confident and loving without moving halfway around the world. Maybe you can get yourself on track to where you want to be without testing those boundaries of love and life like I had to. Give yourself a chance! And... stop being such a spoiled American. There's not a damned thing to be depressed about when it comes to American life. Not a damned thing.

[fifthsonata]

I'm sorry, but if you're saying Americans have no reason to be depressed, how can you be empathetic?

I'm glad you found a solution, but the way you've phrased this, it seems that you're saying that mentally ill Americans are bringing it upon themselves. Perhaps the situation was what caused you to be depressed and a new start for you has alleviated that.....but please understand there's a difference between situational depression and chemical depression.

[in_media_res]

I guess what I'm saying is, stop feeding your neuroses. It took meditation and moving to China to stop feeding mine. Maybe it doesn't have to be for you (although, I think meditation is the very best thing ever). Maybe you can be better at mind over matter than me. Maybe you can decide you're going to be successful and confident and loving without moving halfway around the world. Maybe you can get yourself on track to where you want to be without testing those boundaries of love and life like I had to. Give yourself a chance! And... stop being such a spoiled American. There's not a damned thing to be depressed about when it comes to American life. Not a damned thing.

Who fucking knew? Why, it's so easy...why didn't I see it before? All I have to do is just stop being a spoiled American. Leave my family, leave my job, burn down my house and all the other things that are holding me back from true happiness - just abandon it all and move halfway around the world to get away from whatever it is that's bothering me.

I'm thinking about it Kured. And there's two things I have to say. First, you can run, but you can't hide. Hope it works for you, but where are you going to go when your depression finds you there? Where are you going to go to hide then? Oh, and second, go fuck yourself.

[David]

Obviously the original poster has no fucking clue about real depression/chemical imbalances in the brain, etc. Also I find her post to be very self-righteous and somewhat snotty. Since this is my first post in the forums...I don't want to begin with saying "fuck you" to someone. So I won't.

[TreeHugger]

Wow.
I've got a lot of conflicting thoughts after reading that post.
First of all...yes, compared to many other countries around the world, many Americans are quite fortunate to have what we have. Our country has a lot of faults, but in general we have much to be thankful for. I have suffered from depression for over twenty years, and have often told myself that very same thing....that there is nothing to be depressed about. Buck up. Get over it. Shut up and deal. Those mantras prevented me from getting help, and prolonged my suffering. Telling depressed people that they are spoiled compounds the self-loathing and anger that most of us already feel toward ourselves. It is NOT a solution. Depressives spend a lot of time thinking about our depression. If it were so easy to just "snap out of it," don't you think we would have done it by now?

I do hope you have found the solutions for your own life. And I hope you are able to carry those comforts back with you when you leave China. But running away is not the solution for everyone. I've done it. Almost four years ago, I moved clear across the United States, away from my friends and family and everything else that was causing me stress. I now live alone, struggle with paying rent and bills, and it's the best thing I have ever done. But the move didn't solve any of my problems. For the first few months, the change of scenery was amazing and I felt great. Then all of the baggage caught up with me, and I was in a deeper hole than I was in before. I don't wish this on you, and I won't predict your future, but a drastic move isn't always the answer it seems to be in the beginning.

I think I'll stop there. I want to keep this post civil.

[in_media_res]

I apologize to the community for my language.

I don't apologize to the poster, whose comments reveal a profound lack of understanding of mental illness and a great deal of insensitivity to a lot of people who would love to be able to just shake it off. If this is what you've learned from meditation, I'd assert you're doing it wrong.

[fifthsonata]

You don't need to apologize for the language, everyone loves a good fuck now and then.


And I DON'T mean sexual intercourse, but yeah, we need that, too. lol

[seb]

There's not a damned thing to be depressed about when it comes to American life. Not a damned thing.

That's when you know it's depression. When you don't have anything to be depressed about yet you still are. I'm really happy for you Kured - it's inspirational to hear that someone has found themselves recovering no matter what the circumstance.

Just remember if you can, don't be a 'reformed smoker' about your breakthrough. What works for you unfortunately doesn't work for everyone, and each individual's mental illness is as unique as they are. Like a really nasty, shitty...snowflake? Wow. I should write a book of analogies.

Nonetheless a big hug to you and all the best for your new life in China. Keep pushing hard and I hope you find joy. *hugs*

[meh]

I'm with you in media res. Who knew that all I had to do what move and I'd be fine? Who knew that I'm depressed because I'm a spoiled american?

jeeze... Imagine the money I'll save.

[Stina]

My thoughts...

On one hand:
Kured --
Good luck to you. I hope that you are able to maintain your freedom from depression.

On the other hand:
I wish it were that simple for me. But my depression is chemical, in my brain, hereditary. There's no running from that. I take my brain with me wherever I go. I wish I could ship it across the globe to get it away from me!!