Destigmatize Mental Illness

[Kittieface]

I'd say I'll make this quick, but I've never been good at that. Here's to effort!


I have been suffering from what feels like a cocktail of mental illnesses for at least 10 years. They manifest differently in different times of my life, and they seem to link together and lead one to another. Insomnia, depression, narcolepsy, anxiety, eating disorders. I've seen therapists and the overall change and improvement has been a great relief, but it hasn't quite gotten to where it's a permanent state. I feel like I'm always looking for more ways to get better, and feel better on a regular basis.

I've tried to talk to as many people as possible, and read as many books, articles and so on as possible.

I realize it took me so long to get the help I needed because I never spoke to people who were living the same experience as I am.

After a bad breakup late last year I was slowly slipping back into my depression, or at least giving it the power to take over my life. I would stay up till 2am crying inexplicably. I finally decided to go see my GP and was put on an anti-depressant/Anti-Anxiety drug called Cipralex (I'm told that's Lexapro in the US). For a while I was feeling AMAZING! I was happy, the crying stopped almost instantly. Be it placebo or what have you, it worked. But then I started feeling the side affects. The weight gain, the lack of sex drive, the lack of creativity. I wasn't the playful, silly, sarcastic person I usually was. I was just numb. I was having to focus WAY too hard to have conversations, complete work tasks, etc. So, against my doctors orders I got off the meds. I realized that this was the best move I could have made. I'll just keep working on myself in other ways. This led to me looking into other people with depression and how they deal with it on a daily basis.

What I noticed was that the stigma on Mental Illness GREATLY held us back. No one is educated on it, and as helpful as self-help books are for some, they can be a nightmare for suffers of depression. How many of you have heard, "You're doing this to yourself." Sometimes it's the harsh truth we just aren't ready to hear, and sometimes ... well it's just not true. It's not true for all of us.

The best thing someone told me, during a time where I was feeling particularly scared that I was going crazy was, "If you're aware of all this... then you're not going crazy." I knew something was wrong, and that I was feeling irrationally scared of the world around me. And I've met people who were institutionalized. They are absolutely certain that the reality they see and hear is real. There's no talking it over, they are not here with us. They are not aware of their surroundings. Not fully, anyways.
And that's not to say there aren't acceptions, of course.

I realized that we need to come together. We need to start speaking openly, and confidently about our experiences.

Some people won't know how to take it, or handle it. And I'm not saying to stand up and announce to the world that you're Mentally Ill. Honestly, Mentally Ill already resonates badly in me. Probably because between the stigma, and countless people telling me to watch my wording.. it has a negative tone to it. Illness. No one wants to be Ill. Most definitely not in a permanent state! "Mental Health" is usually my go to. Of course "Destigmatize Mental Health" could seem to mean something totally different than I'd like to express! So I stand by it. We need to make this a goal. We need to join together and talk openly. Share the podcasts with friends and family! Throw it onto your facebook wall. See who chimes in, maybe they need someone to talk to. Maybe there's more people around you than you think that share feelings that you have. OR BETTER YET! Have totally different ones and just need someone to understand that for some reason... that's how they feel.

I've decided that the best way for me to get better is to put my cards on the table and find more people who share this experience, or similar ones.

I'm so happy my bf led me to Paul's podcasts. It was EXACTLY what I needed in my life at this time. I hope I can share and gain a lot from taking part of this community <3

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Kittieface, welcome to the forum. Happy to see you are already contributing to the discussion threads!

Your writing is awesome!

[Kittieface]

Thank you so much!! You just made me day!!

[RationalMuse]

I think that it would be amazing if we could really get the acceptance that other bodily illnesses get. Decades ago cancer was whispered about and just called the big C. Breast cancer couldn't be more publicized now. In Alberta, Canada we had Mental Health awareness and students and staff were supposed to wear hats (focus on the head = brain = mental) to raise awareness. My students just thought of it as a crazy hat day and had no idea what the cause was. Sometimes I just wish we could have a special handshake or something to acknowledge each other in a crowd - to show us just how common what we are going through is. Imagine a video with word bubbles each including the things we tell or hear ourselves saying to ourselves every day.

Even people who I seriously thought would be supportive have shown huge biases - treating me different or less than I deserved. Even asking for help going on sick leave due to burn out from my dept. head this week was met with such an amazing lack of empathy or understanding I was blown away. Years ago when I had major workload overload due to a project and was promised help, didn't receive it and was burning out and had to threaten to go on leave to get my principal to hire someone to help out, for several years afterwards when I spoke up and wanted to try new projects or teach in new areas to gain more control of my teaching timetable, I heard "Oh, we don't want to put too much on your plate." This was from someone educated and trained to work with students and staff - I sat through professional development with this woman dealing with mental health issues.

At least we can help each other "come out" in a safe accepting environment here. We could brain storm little day to day things we can do to lessen the stigma or big ideas too. Try some out - report back on the forum to let each other know how it turned out. I know I find it easier to "come out" to people when I am not in the depths of the mental swamp. We can just keep chipping away at it, I guess.

[meh]

Well put Kittieface - and great handle. You are exactly right but there are a whole host of issues that stand in our way.

Mental illness (and I refuse to call it anything else - I have an illness, not a wellness) involves the brain, thought patterns, feelings and being out of control. That scares a lot of people. They equate those of us with depression, bipolar, etc with people hearing voices in their heads. I completely understand the post - Newtown demonization of the mentally ill. I only wish it were directed at gun manufacturers.

Many people associate what we go through with their own experiences - it's the only way they can understand. So if you tell someone you suffer clinical depression, they might think that they were sad after losing a job but they got over it, why can't you get over it? That leads to people minimizing our experiences. A friend told me 'well everyone's a little bipolar now and then.' People assume since we're talking about moods and feelings that it's only our feelings and not as serious as say cancer or diabetes.

The whole issue of medication also scares a lot of people - again it involves the mind, feelings, moods and the way we think. That's scary to people who don't experience depression. If you have cancer, you go on chemo and that addresses the cancer. If you are depressed, you go on anti-depressants that affect your mood and thought patterns. It's hard to understand that and why it isn't bad.

And speaking of meds, even if they are statistically insignificant the side effects of the drugs we take can have tragic results - suicide, violence, etc etc. Since we're already stigmatized, one person who goes off means we're all a danger to society. If someone on chemo loses their hair, they lose their hair. If someone on lexapro commits suicide, it's an indictment against all psychoparmacology (sp?).

After the experience with my friend, I'm very careful who I tell I'm bipolar. I only discuss it with people who have to know or who I know will act in a supportive and understanding manner. I have no desire to be seen as broken, a menace to society or someone who needs to just 'get over it.'

[weary]

Hi Kittieface, welcome to the boards, and I wish you well. I agree with your point about the stigma that society (and we ourselves) place on mental illness, and it has been a hard thing to overcome for me in terms of my own feelings about what I am going through, how long it took me to get up the courage to seek help for it, and how I still am very reluctant to reveal the struggles that I have and what I am trying to do about it to others. That's part of the reason that I like this board and the podcast.

Insomnia, depression, narcolepsy, anxiety, eating disorders.

I want to point out that among the things you have listed, narcolepsy is a specific (and rather serious) neurological disorder with specific diagnostic criteria (which are generally diagnosed by a neurologist or other sleep physician from clinical data in a sleep study) and specific medications that treat it.

As meh and others point out, the other types of disorders that you list also have a basis in brain chemistry, but narcolepsy has little to do with thoughts and feelings and behaviors per se and much more to do with how the neurons that control your sleep/wake transitions function, and how your brain operates while you are asleep. I guess my point is, if you do think you have narcolepsy, you should really get evaluated by a sleep specialist (not a mental health professional). It's really not at all in the same kind of category as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. If one has narcolepsy, it does not get better through therapy or the type of meds you would typically get from a psychopharmacologist.

[Kittieface]

Woohoo! I'm so happy to see people responding! Any forum I'm ever took part in (not necessarily related to this) I always found that responses were seldom if ever. I lit up when I saw that you all took the time to read respond and share! It's truly an amazing feeling to relate to people.

Weary, thank you for your post. Yes I am aware that Narcolepsy is different. And I maybe should have specified more clearly before posting. I have been advised to be tested for it and show several symptoms. I've been meaning to research where I can get this done, but I am a very big procrastinator and often absent minded. I'm making note of this now and will force myself to get this done!


Actually listening to the podcasts has helped me a lot. I've seen a couple psychologists and holistic therapists. I've meditated, I've done yoga, and reiki and all that good stuff. But it's so much more helpful to actually talk to other people. To banter back and forth and learn something new. Discover something about myself. Have someone word feelings I've had trouble wording. I think the biggest eye opener for me this week was realizing that the root of my mental illness is anxiety. The rest seems to creep up from time to time. I'm happy to know that I can keep myself off medication. But at the same time everything I feel in my body is terrifying. It's always a fear of being one heart beat away from a heart attack.

Sometimes I just wish we could have a special handshake or something to acknowledge each other in a crowd

Oh man, do I understand that! I find that even when I do meet someone with a mental illness I'm almost scared to admit to them that it's something we can share. I know that there's a fear that they won't want to share it with me and that I'll feel rejected. I've noticed that. I kind of hint towards my feelings and see how they react. I've made a decision for myself that I'm going to speak openly about it, with whoever, whenever. I understand that this is a risky card to play. But I feel like everyday that I pretend I'm just like everyone else is one more day where I've done damage to myself. The people who can't accept that I am who I am are not worth my time. And as far as work goes I've told my boss all about my meds, and getting on and off them. And it may be lucky me that I wasn't mysteriously fired soon after, but he didn't exactly cut me any slack either. He still expects me to work at the same pace, if not better than my co-workers. He still doesn't openly sympathize with me. But at least I know that if I burst into tears I can walk away without 21 questions. And that alone has take a GREAT weight off my shoulders.

RationalMuse, I've also taken time off from work. I know it doesn't always sit well with people. They treat you as weak afterwards. It's degrading and ignorant.

I remember one situation where I was having horrible stomach cramps. (A common occurrence when I'm going through periods of high anxiety.) And I told the manager I needed to go and I was in a lot of pain. I was forced to stay, and later advised them that I felt nauseous and thought I was going to throw up. And she replied, "Well, throw up on your break."
The next day I took my morning off to go to the clinic and explained how I was feeling to the doctor. She gave me a week off medical leave and asked about work. When I explained what had happened the day before at work she quickly, without blinking an eye changed that 1 to a 2. Needless to say my boss was not pleased and reminded me that I would not be paid for this leave.

I just don't understand how in our world today people are still so biased and judgmental about mental illness. And also as mentioned.. the taboo subject of medication! I am for it if you need it. I've taken it in short periods when I felt depressed. But I prefer to handle my feelings without any masks in the way. Head on. But that's not a possibility for everyone. I did not hesitate once to tell people I was on anti-depressants when I was. But I would see the hesitation in return. People don't know how to handle other peoples emotions. Almost as if I was about to attack them with my issues. Absolutely not. I can mention that I see a therapist without blinking, but will often get a blank stair in return. weird to have to talk yourself out of that silence.

I hope what I'm saying is making sense. I know that I've gone through a long day of looping things in my head. I feel like I'm rambling lol. It's ok, this is what it's for, right?

[Jenny Jump]

Welcome Kittieface. Lemme scratch behind your ears and tell you that you are deeply loved. So glad that you are taking active steps to take care of yourself.

Much Love,

Jenny Jump

[Kittieface]

Jenny Jump... I don't know WHO you are, but I've read three of your posts in the last minute... and I think I love you lol

It's like you popped in and put a little ball of light in everything you touched <3
People like you make me happy. So thank you.

I also really like head scratchies. So that was like brownie points there.

[HammockHead]

Welcome Kittieface! I'm a newbee too.

'So if you tell someone you suffer clinical depression, they might think that they were sad after losing a job, but they got over it, why can't you get over it? '

This is what irks me, too. As if clinical depression were some sort of weak-willed self indulgence. Depression is not 'sadness'; it's full-on despair--deep, unrelenting, all-encompassing despair. I tell 'normals' to try to imagine that they have just learned that they've been sentenced to eternity in hell, with no chance at redemption. See if they could just get over that!

I am fortunate to be successfully medicated, most of the time, but this too is looked upon as a weakness or character flaw by many (my wife included). I take SRI's (Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors), which do nothing more that restore my brain chemistry to its natural state, a state enjoyed for free, and largely taken for granted, by the rest of the humanity. We are no more dependent on our meds than, as Paul likes to point out, diabetics are dependent on insulin, yet we are stigmatized for the chemical deficiencies nature as visited upon us. Just once I'd like someone to acknowledge the tremendous courage and strength of character we sufferers of depression exhibit just by having survived each and every depressive episode.

So don't let anyone tell you that you're 'being a baby'. You've been through the Valley of Death and survived to come out the other side, more than just once, and you live every day with the threat of having to go through it again at any time. That takes a strength of will that normals may never have to demonstrate.

Keep up the good work!

Hammockhead