What if you were the fat kid?

[LittleOrphanMissy]

Listening to the archives... Adam Carolla. Might have spelling wrong... Enjoying but mulling your clarification that you were not "the fat kid." And what if you were, what if there was nothing to say because you were the fat kid and your sister (read grandma) said at the meal table "you are going to have ANOTHER piece?!?!" (Read you were busting your buttons.)
Just wondering. Oh wait, I already know. The crimson burn that rises up your face as you sit next to the man you are dating and have brought home.

Sigh.

[ididthatonce]

Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. Haven't heard the podcast yet (working my way back), but that kind of talk irritates me too.

The theory I once heard is that, when you grow up as a fat kid, you hold onto that inside no matter what you wind up looking like as an adult. I've weighted between 90 and 200 lbs. since puberty. No matter what, I always felt like the same broken little fat girl whose classmates knocked her glasses off her desk. I don't know if people who haven't had that experience can understand how prolific it is.

[Simon]

I wonder sometimes if there is really any way to make people understand what it is like to grow up as The Fat Kid, of being a social outcast due to a reason that even parents and friends more often than not fail to empathize with, of the relentless emotional and psychological abuse that creates self-image and self-worth issues that never, never, truly go away.

[Paul Gilmartin]

I think you guys have given me an idea for a new thread. I'm going to start one called Body Issues.

Paul

[LittleOrphanMissy]

Well, out of this comes a new thread... that is a good thing. But I truly agree - that unless it's something you've lived. You have no concept. My husband thinks that ALL of problems will be solved when I lose weight, because I'll feel better. Exercise is the cure-all - he has even mentioned stomach stapling. Its incredibly depressing. Every day somehow and in someway, I am reminded that I am not good enough. "All you need is a little discipline." SIGH

[Cheesehead]

I wonder sometimes if there is really any way to make people understand what it is like to grow up as The Fat Kid, of being a social outcast due to a reason that even parents and friends more often than not fail to empathize with, of the relentless emotional and psychological abuse that creates self-image and self-worth issues that never, never, truly go away.

OMG yes! This sums it up perfectly for me!!

[gfyourself]

Yes, this is true.

[Savannah]

Well, out of this comes a new thread... that is a good thing. But I truly agree - that unless it's something you've lived. You have no concept. My husband thinks that ALL of problems will be solved when I lose weight, because I'll feel better. Exercise is the cure-all - he has even mentioned stomach stapling. Its incredibly depressing. Every day somehow and in someway, I am reminded that I am not good enough. "All you need is a little discipline." SIGH

I finally registered for a username to this board because of this. Missy, if you hear anything today, please hear that what your husband is doing is absolute unacceptable. It may be veiled under the guise of him being "helpful", but whenever someone pushes exercise because they aren't happy with you--it's their issue, not yours. Even if you are unhappy in your life and want to help yourself, having someone cut down your physical appearance will only make things worse.

He's being verbally abusive. Is exercise good for you? Sure--but here's the funny thing about humans, ridicule is not an effective means of motivation. The more someone pushes you to exercise because they want you to change--the LESS you'll want to do it. It's ironic. Your husband thinks he's encouraging you to do something but in fact, his methods are causing the opposite.

I know this from personal experience. Last month I ended things with a guy I was dating because he did the exact same thing to me. We only dated for 4 months and at the beginning, I was actually of normal weight. He was bothered by the fact that I've struggled with my weight in the past and he always pushed me to exercise. The more he pushed, the less I went to the gym_it actually made me anxious to do so.

I started to gain weight which made him anxious and then he began to insult my body. I felt I couldn't tell friends what he was saying to me because I wanted them to like him but finally, I'd had enough of his abuse.

It was tough following our breakup. We did have a deep emotional connection and losing that was immensely sad. But--his insults made it increasingly hard to be intimate or affectionate with him.

Looking back, I recognize how much of his complaints were his issue, not mine. A partner shouldn't ever insult you. Ever.